Feeling Depressed & Hopeless

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Lately I have been feeling so up and down that it’s almost like a baseline doesn’t exist for me anymore. I am either manic or depressed; there is no in between.

I am either loving life and everything about it or I am contemplating suicide and hate everything.

This whole applying to get disability thing has me so fucking depressed now that it’s not even funny.

I was denied after my hearing that I thought went so well all because my mental health care team suck at documentation and adding all my diagnoses to the my medical records.

A major part of my hearing had to do with my dissociative disorder that I have been working on in therapy for some time now and it was NEVER added to my medical records. Like wtf, seriously?!

I saw my disability lawyer today and, well, there is no point in appealing because I won’t get it thanks to my mental health care team…

However, she did say that instead of appealing it I should just re-apply and get my medical records corrected. Plus, now I will have the Postconcussion Syndrome added to the list which caused cognitive changes.

My lawyer said that she believes if I re-apply instead that she really thinks I will get approved. She said that if it was up to her, she would definitely approve me without a doubt because she knows I need it.

I just feel like a total burden to everyone around me because everyone has to help me all the time and take care of me. I hate asking for help, especially financial help. I feel like a waste of space pretty much right now.

I even self-harmed for the first time in about 7 months the other day and I have this massive urge to do it again, and again, and again.

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