I haven’t been keeping up with blogging lately — even though I have all the time in the world right now. I always seem to have time but the desire I used to have for writing, even journaling, just hasn’t been there since June… since my life fell apart again. My life is always falling apart, though. This is nothing new.
C’est la vie! I can’t control the cards that I have been dealt, just like I can’t control how other people act or think. I am trying to make the best of a bad situation. The best of a few bad situations, actually. Sometimes I feel like it’s one blow after another. I am doing the best that I can with what I have and I am finally okay with not being okay most days…
Suicide Awareness & Prevention is something that I am passionate about. I understand how it feels to want to give up and end it all when you can’t take the pain any longer; I am a suicide attempt survivor. I shouldn’t be here today, but I am glad that I am despite the obstacles and challenges that I still face in my everyday life. I would have missed so much if I had succeeded. I understand how hard life can be sometimes. If I can pull through, so can anyone else who is going through it right now. Just know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. YOU ARE LOVED.
“Roughly 60 Million Americans are affected by [a] sleep disorder every year,” and I am one of them – as some of you may already know. Some night I have issues with insomnia, other nights my sleep is completely broken and restless. It is not very often that I actually get a good night’s sleep, regardless of how long I am lying in my bed for. I could be lying in bed for 12 hours and yet only get 4-5 hours of solid sleep. I even have a prescription medication that I take every night (almost) faithfully.
According to MentalHealthAmerica.net, about 54 million Americans suffer from some type of mental illness in a given year. With over 200 types of classified mental illnesses, that number can expect to rise. Yet many people cannot recognize mental illness in other people, let alone themselves. Having a mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, it is just how your brain is wired and it doesn’t make you any less of a person.
So how the topic of this blog came about was partly due to one of my trigger words is “normal”. Another was from a conversation between Samantha and me on how we thought it would make a good blog topic so here I go attempting it. Continue Reading….
So, random thought from last night… I was working on a blog post — that I never finished — and it was titled “3am Thoughts,” and I couldn’t figure out what time “late night” transitioned into “early morning” so I settled on just saying “3am.” I probably spent way too much time being consumed by this question than I should have. And I didn’t necessarily feel like resorting to using Google to solve yet another debate for me. If you think that this a strange thing to be consumed by, you would not want to know about the rest of the crap that gets stuck inside my head!
It is a little after 5 in the morning and I have been up for some time now. I went to bed around 9 pm and woke up at 2 am. Shortly after I finally fell back to sleep, I woke up around 3 am with a muscle cramp in my leg, also known as a “Charlie Horse.” Those are always fun, right? And I have been up ever since.
This post contains some things that may trigger certain people. I am issuing a trigger warning for self-harm and suicidal ideation. Please use caution when reading. If you feel you may be triggered by these things do not read past here. Thank you.
It is hard to really decipher how I am feeling. I’m up and down, high and low. If someone were to ask me how I was feeling, I would probably have to shrug my shoulders and then laugh and cry at the same time. I am trying to look at things from an optimistic viewpoint while feeling pessimistic and unsure about almost everything in life. I keep wondering if I am good enough… at anything.
I have been filled with an excessive amount of anxiety since about 11:30 am yesterday. Jasper had gotten his head caught in between two metal bars under our recliner while he was hiding from two of my Godson’s. Thank God my best friend, Jazmine, was here too because she ended up being the one to save my poor kitty’s life.
I apologize for not posting much lately. I have been keeping myself busy with writing for different sites and blogs. I also haven’t been blogging because I don’t really want to talk about how I feel right now. This feeling is completely new to me. I have never gotten to the point where I just don’t want to talk about what is really going on inside my head. I am going to try to open up a little, but it is giving me a lot of anxiety.
In my bipolar roller coast of a mind, I find it hard to hold on to happiness that lingers. So I sat down did the work and came up with 10 things I can do that I have proven to make my life happier. By keeping a positive attitude as much as I can, it helps to create happy memories to get me through some very dark sad days. I can look back over my life remembering good and bad. Here are 10 steps I take to remind myself and continue to build on my own personal happiness:
These days, it seems as if most people from their preteens on up have heard of self-harm or may even know someone who purposely hurts their self. Self-injury can now be found on TV, in movies, books, and all over the web. There is much more information about this aspect of mental health than there was 20 years ago; when I first started using self-injury as a coping mechanism. That’s right, I am one of the 1 in 5 females who self-harm. For males, 1 out of every 7 has turned to this as well. In the US, there is an estimate of two million people who reportedly self-harm every year. (Continue Reading)
Today started off rocky. I was riddled with anxiety about having to leave the house to go to my Primary Care Physicians office. It was horrible. Lucky for me, I found some of my CBD oil and that took the edge off quite a bit.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (also known as OCD) is a chronic mental illness where people have either obsessive thoughts (obsessions) or repetitive behaviors (compulsions). In simple terms, these people have recurring thoughts and behavior.
What are triggers? This is a very good question in a time when everyone is talking about how they are so triggered by this that and the other. Triggers are things that you have learned that may cause you distress. They can be anything from a word, event, place, date, even a person them self can be a trigger.
A storm is brewing and a depressive episode is underway. I can feel it try to pull me under the surface as it surrounds me. I am trying to fight my way against it with everything that I have. I knew after the mania ended that I was headed in this direction. I was just hoping that it wouldn’t be so soon.
“I have come face to face with the devil more times than I can count. I have lived life as an addict, and I have loved an addict, and I have been in love with addicts. Being pulled from both sides is so hard considering you have lived both loves. I honestly think that loving an addict is much harder than being an addict.” – Kayl (Continue Reading…)
I wanted to share a link with you all to a guest post I did for the lovely Christy over at When Women Inspire. She was nice enough to invite me over to her site. The piece I did for her is called “My Bipolar Mind: A Blessing in Disguise.” Do you think it’s possible to be able to look at your own mental illness as a blessing in disguise?
This is a wonderful post about dual diagnoses for the lovely Jodanneabella over at Confessions of a Bipolar Diva. It is very informative and insightful. Please check it out.
I had a manic episode wash over me last Tuesday (1/15/19) and I feel like I am still coming down from it. I can go from being perfectly fine to on edge in a matter of seconds.
What is verbal abuse? Can you define it? I myself have fallen victim to it and believed everything to be true. Verbal abuse is not only words used to belittle and hurt; it’s also used to control and manipulate. (Continue Reading…)
Living with Personality Disorders is one of the hardest mental disorders you can deal with on a day to day basis. Along with mood swings, it causes you to be mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. Not knowing what to expect, or how to feel, it really takes a toll on any person dealing with something as such. (Continue reading…)
I can’t seem to get my brain to function right this morning. I feel like I am trapped inside a thick fog and can’t navigate my way around. Perhaps this has something to do with only getting two hours of sleep. I even took all my nighttime meds and was still unable to stay dreamland. (Continue Reading)
Today, so far, has been a good day. Part of me feels like my head is still up in the clouds. It could still be the rush from my book, My Bipolar Mind: You’re not alone, coming out, but I believe the reason I am also feeling so light-hearted has to do with the fact that my publisher decided to take on the new book I pitched to them. (Continue Reading…)
Book Review: “You’re Going to be Fine” by Britteny D. Herz You’re Going to be Fine, by author Brittney D. Herz, is a captivating and heart-wrenching true story about juvenile mental health and the impact it can have on the… Read More ›