I finally feel like I am on the right medication combination for my mental health disorders. It took 20 years of trial and error and getting prescribed more medications than I can even remember to get where I am today. I honestly felt like I’d never get to the point where I am okay on all my meds without any major side effects.
Samantha’s Personal Blog
Christmas Eve was rough for me. I couldn’t find my normal Christmas cheer that usually surges through my veins almost every year. But I woke up Christmas morning with such happiness and excitement.
When things are going fairly well in my life and I am not on the outs with a loved one during the holiday season, I usually always feel a childish sense of excitement and eagerly await Christmas Day. But this year, it doesn’t even feel like Christmas time for me. It feels just like every other day of the year. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled that I get to spend tomorrow with my family and my boyfriend but it still just doesn’t feel like Christmas to me. And Christmas has always been my favorite part of the year.
It’s already after 5 am and I have yet to sleep. My alarm for work is scheduled to go off at 7:45 am. There is no point in even trying to get any rest now especially because I am so wide awake. I have nothing going on at the moment, so I figured I would try to blog for a little – again – or until I have to start getting ready for work.
I would like to wish everyone who reads this a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Here is to hoping that 2021 will be so much better and less stressful for everyone!
(Warning: This is a long post! Sorry!)
I hope that everyone who celebrates Thanksgiving has an amazing day Thursday filled with lots of thanks, gratitude, love, and the chance to be surrounded by those you cherish the most.
*Note: Please be advised that there is a trigger warning section of this post. It involves my own personal political views regarding the current President of the United States. Some readers might find my thoughts and opinions triggering or even angering. These are my beliefs and I am entitled to having my own opinion as well as you are. Please do not leave hateful or threatening comments. If you do not like what I have to say simply exit out of this post and move on. Unfollow if you feel the need. Thank you in advance. – Samantha
It has been some time since my last personal blog post. Since September 4th, 2020 to be exact, which is when I shared about the worst panic and anxiety attacks I have ever had. I feel like I have really been neglecting my blog but life is just so unpredictable at times. (Continue Reading…)
Today has been a very mentally and emotionally challenging day for me. I had the worst panic and anxiety attack that I have ever had in my life and it literally lasted for about an hour or perhaps even longer.
It’s almost 6 in the morning and the bright, beaming sun will begin to rise soon and I still haven’t slept yet. My body feels exhausted and physically drained. I’m struggling with some mental fogginess as well. At this point, I am not even sure if I will make sense to anyone other than myself.
Another birthday has come and gone. This year on Tuesday, August 4th I turned 34-years-old. It’s hard to believe that another year has gone by already.
I have trouble with learning to love myself most days. I tend to lack any real self-esteem. In elementary school, I was even placed in a group for kids who had self-esteem issues as I did. Needless to say, loving – or even liking – myself for the way that I am has always been a major struggle for me.
I have tried so many different treatment options and therapies to help try to manage and maintain my mental health and chronic pain disorders. I have been on the medication roller coaster ride for nearly 20 years already, and I am only in my early 30’s! There was a lot that led up to me finally deciding to try medical marijuana.
I sincerely apologize for being MIA for the past few weeks. I just realized the other day that my last post was published on May 11th, 2020 (and was titled Mother’s Day Blues). My days are almost always blurred together lately and unless I have an appointment, I usually don’t know what I did on what day.
Mother’s Day is officially over with but it has been a very emotional day for me. I was able to wish my mom and a Happy Mother’s Day, but I hid my own feelings most of the day.
I would like to wish all the moms out there a Happy Mother’s Day! This includes all the moms who, like me, weren’t lucky enough to be able to being their little one in to this world for whatever reason; all the moms who either miscarried, had an ectopic pregnancy, gave birth to stillborn, and who had to terminate their pregnancy for selfless reasons.
I am not really feeling any better than I was last night when I wrote about being in an agitated, anxiety-fueled bipolar manic episode. If anything, I feel worse than I did yesterday. Perhaps this is because, like I anticipated, I did not get any sleep or rest last night. Instead, I manically wrote for hours on end. I didn’t even notice when nighttime turned into daylight.
Usually, I look forward to manic episodes as long as they are the happy, fun-loving, euphoric types of mania. But we don’t always get what we want, do we?