Feeling Depressed & Hopeless
Lately I have been feeling so up and down that it’s almost like a baseline doesn’t exist for me anymore. I am either manic or depressed; there is no in between.
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January 9th, 2020: Hello Insomnia
January 9th, 2020: Hello Insomnia It’s hard to believe that it is already 2020. I graduated from middle school 19 years ago. I dropped out of high school 17 years ago. Where the hell has the time gone? When I was in my teenage years or even in […]
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year
I hope that everyone had a great Christmas with their loved ones and that all of their hopes and dreams came true during this miraculous season!
Insomnia Has Me Tonight
Sleep has eluded me all night and I’m starting to get a massive migraine from being overly tired and not being able to give into the sandman’s’ sweet embrace. I just want to sleep! Especially with how erratic my moods have been lately; sleep should come naturally and offer me even a slight bit of relief but it’s not.
Hello, December!
It’s hard to believe it’s already almost mid-December. The year feels like it has just flown by. Some days do seem to go by faster than others, but as a whole — the year went pretty fast.
Happy (Belated) Thanksgiving 🦃
I know Thanksgiving was about 3 days ago, but I would still like to wish everyone a very Happy (belated) Thanksgiving! I hope everyone who celebrated this holiday in the U.S. had a great day with their loved ones. I know the holidays can be challenging for many people; myself included.
Maniaaa
If you couldn’t already tell by the title and picture of this post, I am feeling pretty manic today. My mind is going a million miles a minute and my fingers and mouth can’t seem to keep up. I keep making so many typing errors already just because I am trying to type as fast as humanly possible since my mind is going so fast.
Late Nights & Anxiety
It is currently after 3 o’clock in the morning and I am wide awake. I probably should try to get some sleep since I see my psychiatrist at 8:30 a.m., but I don’t think I am going to be getting much sleep. My body is tired and in so much physical pain (My back has been killing me!) but my mind is wide awake; which happens all too often. So, right now, I am #TeamNoSleep once again.
Good Morning: November 15, 2019
It is after 7 o’clock in the morning, and I have been up since 4:45 a.m. Surprisingly, I am in an oddly good mood. I am not going to complain about that! I woke up to use the bathroom and then had to take one of my mom’s dogs out, and I have been up ever since.
Catching My Breath
When you Google the meaning of overwhelmed one of the definitions is: “Defeat completely.” And completely defeated can perfectly go to describe how I have been feeling at times.
Happy Belated Halloween 👻
I would like to wish everyone a happy belated Halloween! I really wanted to blog on Halloween itself but things have been pretty hectic for me the past few days.
[TW] Late Night Thoughts: Mixed Episode
My mood is all over the place right now. I think I am in a mixed bipolar episode. These episodes can really be the worst. It feels like there is two or three of me arguing inside of my head. It’s like there is a f***ing battle going on in my mind. I can’t stand it!
Thoughts from an Insomniac
Today is day two of some bothersome insomnia. It is said that about 25 percent of Americans suffer from acute insomnia and that 75 percent of those cases clear up on their own without an issue after a maximum of three months. However, I am more of a chronic case since I typically have insomnia that has lasted more than at least three nights a week for longer than a three month period. In my case, I have been dealing with insomnia issues for as long as I can remember.
Autumn: My Favorite Time of The Year
Autumn is hands down my favorite time of the year. The weather gets cooler in Pennsylvania, the leaves start to turn beautiful colors before gliding to the ground, it’s hoodie weather, plus, let’s not forget Halloween! I am also one of those pumpkin spice coffee lovers as well! I just love the Fall season! I hate summer even though I am a Leo; a summer baby.
My Latest Tumblr Post Has Me Feeling “Empty”
Contemplating Life
Contemplating Life Yesterday was the two year anniversary of Wade’s death. I can’t believe that it has been two years already since he passed away. I really wish that I could bring him back to help ease my best friend and Godchildren’s pain. He left three wonderful children […]
Forever Waiting
I haven’t been keeping up with blogging lately — even though I have all the time in the world right now. I always seem to have time but the desire I used to have for writing, even journaling, just hasn’t been there since June… since my life fell apart again. My life is always falling apart, though. This is nothing new.
I’m Doing The Best I Can
On August 4, 2019, I turned 33-years-old. I created so many different blog posts since my birthday but all kinds of different craziness would happen and I would delete the post and start fresh with more to talk about. To be honest, I will even be amazed if I finish this post. Sometimes I feel like my life could be a Lifetime movie. Does anyone else ever feel like that or is it just me?
Good Morning: July 29, 2019
I feel like I have been neglecting my blog… and I guess I pretty much have been. I have been up and down and have had some med changes since the last time I wrote. I am at a place where I am unsure where I am at mentally. Some days I am great, while other days I am not so great. But I am surviving and that is all that really matters anymore, right?
Feeling Good Today
I didn’t think it was possible after my breakup, but I am in such a great mood today. I feel happy and that feels foreign in a way yet very great.
C’est la vie (That’s Life)
C’est la vie! I can’t control the cards that I have been dealt, just like I can’t control how other people act or think. I am trying to make the best of a bad situation. The best of a few bad situations, actually. Sometimes I feel like it’s one blow after another. I am doing the best that I can with what I have and I am finally okay with not being okay most days…
Done With The Chaos: Happy & Free
My life is a complete mess right now. My 7-year relationship just came to an end a few days ago. Sometimes I am hurting a lot, other times I feel completely happy and free.
Insomnia, Anxiety & Me
“Roughly 60 Million Americans are affected by [a] sleep disorder every year,” and I am one of them – as some of you may already know. Some night I have issues with insomnia, other nights my sleep is completely broken and restless. It is not very often that I actually get a good night’s sleep, regardless of how long I am lying in my bed for. I could be lying in bed for 12 hours and yet only get 4-5 hours of solid sleep. I even have a prescription medication that I take every night (almost) faithfully.
🌈Happy PRIDE Month 2019!🌈
With yesterday, June 1st, 2019, kicking off Pride month I figured now was a better time than ever to create this post and let it all out there!
Woke Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed
Have you ever woke up and just felt like it was going to be a bad day?
My B&N Event Went Well
My Barnes & Noble signing event went really well. I had so many loved ones come out to show some and love support, and I met some new really amazing people within my community as well.
Yesterday Was F-ing Insane
There is no real way for me to perfectly explain how f-ing insane last night was for me, my bestie, Jazmine, my Goddaughter, Ally, and my boyfriend.
Hello, Mania!
Hello, Mania! I am a bit on the manic said and it is the good kind of mania with the wonderful euphoria. I feel excellent right now. I don’t ever want to lose this feeling, but I know it is not possible to stay up in the clouds […]
Sober People Don’t Go To Rehab, Karen
I had to give up on someone, we’ll call her Karen, for pretty much the first time in my life. Like completely give up, walk away, and wash my hands of her. I had to learn the hard way that I can’t help and save everyone. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved or isn’t ready to receive the help yet.
What Goes Up, Must Come Down
What goes up, must come down can easily define Bipolar Disorder. Meaning, after every high — or manic episode — a low is sure to follow.
Why Am I Still Awake? Insomnia!
I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep. I am in so much physical pain that sleep should come easy, but it’s not. Insomnia has its grungy hands all over me and it’s refusing to let go. It probably doesn’t help the situation any that I finally remembered to take my nighttime meds around 1:45-2am.
My Bipolar Mind: You’re not alone is NOW AVAILABLE at The Barnes & Noble In Whitehall, PA
Just a quick note: To my surprise, I just recently learned that my book, My Bipolar Mind: You’re not alone, is now officially available at a local Barnes & Noble book store near me! I knew they sold it on their website, but not at the actual branch in Whitehall, PA! If you are from or are familiar with the area, it is at the one inside the Lehigh Valley Mall shopping center. This is so exciting!
Late Night Thoughts: May 6th, 2019 🤔
So, random thought from last night… I was working on a blog post — that I never finished — and it was titled “3am Thoughts,” and I couldn’t figure out what time “late night” transitioned into “early morning” so I settled on just saying “3am.” I probably spent way too much time being consumed by this question than I should have. And I didn’t necessarily feel like resorting to using Google to solve yet another debate for me. If you think that this a strange thing to be consumed by, you would not want to know about the rest of the crap that gets stuck inside my head!
Early Morning Thoughts: April 27th, 2019
It is a little after 5 in the morning and I have been up for some time now. I went to bed around 9 pm and woke up at 2 am. Shortly after I finally fell back to sleep, I woke up around 3 am with a muscle cramp in my leg, also known as a “Charlie Horse.” Those are always fun, right? And I have been up ever since.
Happy Easter 🐰 2019
I want to wish everyone a Happy Easter! If you celebrate, I hope that you are able to spend some time with your loved ones. To those of you who are spending the holiday solo, that is okay too, but always remember that you are loved and that there is nothing wrong with being alone on the holidays. Spend the entire day doing the things that you love – choirs can wait until tomorrow.
