On August 4, 2019, I turned 33-years-old. I created so many different blog posts since my birthday but all kinds of different craziness would happen and I would delete the post and start fresh with more to talk about. To be honest, I will even be amazed if I finish this post. Sometimes I feel like my life could be a Lifetime movie. Does anyone else ever feel like that or is it just me?
I feel like I have been neglecting my blog… and I guess I pretty much have been. I have been up and down and have had some med changes since the last time I wrote. I am at a place where I am unsure where I am at mentally. Some days I am great, while other days I am not so great. But I am surviving and that is all that really matters anymore, right?
C’est la vie! I can’t control the cards that I have been dealt, just like I can’t control how other people act or think. I am trying to make the best of a bad situation. The best of a few bad situations, actually. Sometimes I feel like it’s one blow after another. I am doing the best that I can with what I have and I am finally okay with not being okay most days…
Suicide Awareness & Prevention is something that I am passionate about. I understand how it feels to want to give up and end it all when you can’t take the pain any longer; I am a suicide attempt survivor. I shouldn’t be here today, but I am glad that I am despite the obstacles and challenges that I still face in my everyday life. I would have missed so much if I had succeeded. I understand how hard life can be sometimes. If I can pull through, so can anyone else who is going through it right now. Just know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. YOU ARE LOVED.
“Roughly 60 Million Americans are affected by [a] sleep disorder every year,” and I am one of them – as some of you may already know. Some night I have issues with insomnia, other nights my sleep is completely broken and restless. It is not very often that I actually get a good night’s sleep, regardless of how long I am lying in my bed for. I could be lying in bed for 12 hours and yet only get 4-5 hours of solid sleep. I even have a prescription medication that I take every night (almost) faithfully.
What goes up, must come down can easily define Bipolar Disorder. Meaning, after every high — or manic episode — a low is sure to follow.
It is a little after 5 in the morning and I have been up for some time now. I went to bed around 9 pm and woke up at 2 am. Shortly after I finally fell back to sleep, I woke up around 3 am with a muscle cramp in my leg, also known as a “Charlie Horse.” Those are always fun, right? And I have been up ever since.
It is hard to really decipher how I am feeling. I’m up and down, high and low. If someone were to ask me how I was feeling, I would probably have to shrug my shoulders and then laugh and cry at the same time. I am trying to look at things from an optimistic viewpoint while feeling pessimistic and unsure about almost everything in life. I keep wondering if I am good enough… at anything.
I have been filled with an excessive amount of anxiety since about 11:30 am yesterday. Jasper had gotten his head caught in between two metal bars under our recliner while he was hiding from two of my Godson’s. Thank God my best friend, Jazmine, was here too because she ended up being the one to save my poor kitty’s life.
I love and adore my best friend, Jazmine. She did something that made me feel a little bit better. I cried almost 24 hours when Buddy tragically passed away. I was in such a haze and shock that I honestly don’t remember everything I wrote in my last post, So Heartbroken. I am still too heartbroken to go back and even try to read it. But my best friend showed up Friday night with a little – adorable – surprise for me.
I apologize for not posting much lately. I have been keeping myself busy with writing for different sites and blogs. I also haven’t been blogging because I don’t really want to talk about how I feel right now. This feeling is completely new to me. I have never gotten to the point where I just don’t want to talk about what is really going on inside my head. I am going to try to open up a little, but it is giving me a lot of anxiety.
I have been meaning to blog for a little while now but every time I would create a post I would delete it. If I can remember correctly when I wrote my last personal post I was in a full-blown downswing. Since then, I have been a very agitated manic and then bounced around from up, down, to everything in between.
I can’t seem to get my brain to function right this morning. I feel like I am trapped inside a thick fog and can’t navigate my way around. Perhaps this has something to do with only getting two hours of sleep. I even took all my nighttime meds and was still unable to stay dreamland. (Continue Reading)
My new book, “My Bipolar Mind: You’re not alone,” if now available on paperback on Amazon.
I would like to wish everyone a safe and happy new year! I wish each and everyone of you guys and gals Peace, Love. and lots of Happiness in 2019. (Continue Reading…)
From my last blog post just last night until sometime early this morning, I seem to have developed a touch of hypomania to add some variety to my life. I only got about an hour or so of broken sleep between 7:30 and 8:30 am. I was sure that after my ramblings last night I shouldn’t have much more to say, but I was wrong. From about 4 am until the time I went to sleep I just sat in bed and manically journaled until my hand started to cramp up. I had to force myself to stop writing in order to get the little bit of sleep that I did.
If you had tips that could help you minimize your holiday stress and keep you from a holiday meltdown, would you at least give them a try? If you answered yes, continue reading to see 15 of the top ways you can help reduce your holiday stress!
I apologize for not blogging as much and for not creating “meaningful” posts like I used to. It’s temporary. Every now and again I will get severe writer’s block and will go days to weeks without writing anything at all. During these times, I seem to wander around aimlessly and not quite sure what to do with myself. I hope after writing a bit today (and writing this ridiculously long post) it will spark some more creativity inside my mind. I just need enough to finish the article I am working on for the time being.
I feel like it has been a long, exhausting day when I hardly did anything today but attended a doctor appointment, make phone calls, and went to Dunkin’ Donuts. I am still in tremendous amounts of pain, especially a few of my teeth that need dental work done. Both sides of my mouth hurt and I am in a great deal of pain during and after eating almost anything.
A mother’s journey and struggle with her child’s mental health as well as her own. Continue reading to find out about one mom telling her son’s story.
I took my nighttime medications around 8:30 p.m. and thought that I would be asleep by now. I have journaled, read part of two different books, and played games on my tablet. While I am starting to feel a bit drowsy, it is not enough to be able to fall asleep. I intend to take an emergency sleep aid soon as it is almost midnight.
Not too long ago my friend was selling a few $15 HempWorx CBD Sampler Packs. I thought it was a better time than ever to give a try since I have been hearing such amazing things about HempWorx. My one friend stated that this CBD brand changed her life for the better. So, of course, I wanted in on this. Plus, even for samples $15 was not a bad deal. I went ahead and ordered one sampler kit.
It’s a gloomy, rainy Tuesday in November. The sky is completely gray, and I kind of like it that way. I am not a sunshine-loving person – most of the time. I woke up around 6:30 a.m. and was hoping to be able to catch the sunrise in order to get some beautiful pictures – even though I am not fond of the sun – but with the clouds so gray there was no sunlight shining through
Today is going to be a big day for me because I am meeting my cousin, Ashley, for the first time since she was a baby – over 20 years ago.
We waste so much time and energy on things that we have no control over, which is not good for our mental wellbeing. We tend to stress over these things and it can create mounds of anxiety that can bring us down. When you think of control, what do you honestly think you have control over? Take a minute to really think about it. If you were to make a list of the things you can control and a list of the things you have no control over, which one do you think would be bigger?
With all the advancements that humankind has made throughout history, it is astonishing how our society still has yet to come to terms with speaking up for mental health-related concerns and topics. We still have a long way to go before we can finally bury the stigma and misconceptions regarding mental illness. I am speaking out as just one woman who has dealt with mental health issues as far back as she can remember, and as someone who has cared for those that can not always care for themselves.
I have been up and going since yesterday afternoon with only about three hours of sleep last night. I was definitely on a bit of an upswing. I was so excited yesterday when I received my manuscript edits that it triggered a bit of hypomania. For me, just being overly excited can trigger it. I welcomed it with open arms until the agitation started to creep up to the surface. However, now, I can feel the crash starting to set in – already.
In a recent post, I brought up all the resentments I have been thinking about that surround my oncoming bipolar depression. I really dislike this time of year as the sunshine disappears, the weather becomes too cold and the upcoming holidays. I do like Thanksgiving because I don’t go home for that. My husband and I started a tradition many years ago where we invite anyone that doesn’t have a place to go to have Thanksgiving with us. Last year was the first year it was just the two of us.
I am so happy that my friend asked me to go to the Halls of Horror with her in Palmerton, PA. I had such a blast. I was worried about my heart rate for nothing because it had actually dropped to 65 bpm instead of rising like a normal person’s heart rate should when they are scared or anxiety fueled!
This was my first time at a haunted attraction. I much say that I highly recommend putting this place on your bucket list.
I am sorry that it took me so long to get you some help. Here in the year 2018, you still battle with depression, and anxiety but you are learning to deal with it better, along with medications of course, but you have now been drug and alcohol free for 20-21 years and life isn’t so bad.
My name is Danielle, I am 38 years old and I have suffered from Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Addiction, Chronic pain, and Degenerative Joint/Disc Disease since my adolescent years Please continue reading,