Another birthday has come and gone. This year on Tuesday, August 4th I turned 34-years-old. It’s hard to believe that another year has gone by already.
I have trouble with learning to love myself most days. I tend to lack any real self-esteem. In elementary school, I was even placed in a group for kids who had self-esteem issues as I did. Needless to say, loving – or even liking – myself for the way that I am has always been a major struggle for me.
I have tried so many different treatment options and therapies to help try to manage and maintain my mental health and chronic pain disorders. I have been on the medication roller coaster ride for nearly 20 years already, and I am only in my early 30’s! There was a lot that led up to me finally deciding to try medical marijuana.
I sincerely apologize for being MIA for the past few weeks. I just realized the other day that my last post was published on May 11th, 2020 (and was titled Mother’s Day Blues). My days are almost always blurred together lately and unless I have an appointment, I usually don’t know what I did on what day.
I would like to wish all the moms out there a Happy Mother’s Day! This includes all the moms who, like me, weren’t lucky enough to be able to being their little one in to this world for whatever reason; all the moms who either miscarried, had an ectopic pregnancy, gave birth to stillborn, and who had to terminate their pregnancy for selfless reasons.
I have always hated little sayings and phrases that involve the word normal such as, “Try to act normal,” “Can’t you just be normal for once?” and even “You’re not normal.” It makes you really have to think hard about what normality even means and to who? Who gets to define and decide what is or isn’t normal in our society? In our everyday lives? Is there some kind of formal typed up
For women who want to experience motherhood in the worst way, finding out that you are finally pregnant after months or even years of trying can be an exciting moment. Getting that first positive pregnancy test can fill the mom-to-be with so much love and hope. But, sadly, sometimes that excitement and hope can disappear right before your very eyes leaving sadness, grief, and loss in its place.
I have been losing track of time since I was in my teens. And I don’t mean losing track of time like the time just flew by; I mean literally losing track of time to the point where you have gaps in your life where memories should be. It would take almost 20 years to figure out why and for someone to actually pay attention to what I was saying and believe me.
I am not really feeling any better than I was last night when I wrote about being in an agitated, anxiety-fueled bipolar manic episode. If anything, I feel worse than I did yesterday. Perhaps this is because, like I anticipated, I did not get any sleep or rest last night. Instead, I manically wrote for hours on end. I didn’t even notice when nighttime turned into daylight.
Even for couples who have lived happily together for years, being quarantined together can open up a whole new can of worms! It can sometimes rock even the smoothest of waters.
Sure, everyone deals with anxiety from time to time. After all, it is a human emotion and automatic response to certain situations. But for people without anxiety disorders, the anxiety passes as the situation gets resolved or is dealt with and then they can be on their way as everything returns to normal.
Usually, I look forward to manic episodes as long as they are the happy, fun-loving, euphoric types of mania. But we don’t always get what we want, do we?
I am so excited to announce the release of my second book in the My Bipolar Mind series: My Bipolar Mind: Surviving the Chaos.
I am ecstatic right now! Today, April 18th, 2020, I found out that the re-release of my memoir “My Bipolar Mind” has made the #1 New Release spot on Amazon for Bipolar Disorder!
Don’t you just hate when your day goes from great to crappy then back to great again? It’s almost like my day was just as bipolar as I am!
I would like to start by wishing everyone a Happy (belated) Easter. Many of us couldn’t be with our immediate family this holiday thanks to COVID-19, but I hope you were all able to make the best of a bad circumstances!
“My Bipolar Mind” is NOW available on Amazon (again!)
If you have a friend or a loved one who struggles with their mental health it is always a good idea to research your loved one’s diagnosis in order to understand them and what they are going through better. Sometimes people who don’t really understand what is going on inside of their loved one’s head can say or do certain things that were meant out of kindness but actually do more harm than good.
Coming down from a manic episode can be different for everyone. We’re all unique in how our bodies and minds are made up. But for me, when I am coming down from a manic episode, it is almost comparable to coming down from a drug or alcohol high because that is exactly what our minds and bodies are doing; coming down from an emotional high.