Living with bipolar disorder means getting to know your warning signs, and then taking action before a depressive or manic episode. And it also means that you have to take care of yourself even during the in-between periods. Prioritizing self-care can help you stay your healthiest, which can give you some stability during the ups and downs.
Lately I have been feeling so up and down that it’s almost like a baseline doesn’t exist for me anymore. I am either manic or depressed; there is no in between.
Sleep has eluded me all night and I’m starting to get a massive migraine from being overly tired and not being able to give into the sandman’s’ sweet embrace. I just want to sleep! Especially with how erratic my moods have been lately; sleep should come naturally and offer me even a slight bit of relief but it’s not.
It’s hard to believe it’s already almost mid-December. The year feels like it has just flown by. Some days do seem to go by faster than others, but as a whole — the year went pretty fast.
My mood is all over the place right now. I think I am in a mixed bipolar episode. These episodes can really be the worst. It feels like there is two or three of me arguing inside of my head. It’s like there is a f***ing battle going on in my mind. I can’t stand it!
What goes up, must come down can easily define Bipolar Disorder. Meaning, after every high — or manic episode — a low is sure to follow.
I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep. I am in so much physical pain that sleep should come easy, but it’s not. Insomnia has its grungy hands all over me and it’s refusing to let go. It probably doesn’t help the situation any that I finally remembered to take my nighttime meds around 1:45-2am.
I have been meaning to blog for a little while now but every time I would create a post I would delete it. If I can remember correctly when I wrote my last personal post I was in a full-blown downswing. Since then, I have been a very agitated manic and then bounced around from up, down, to everything in between.
I had a manic episode wash over me last Tuesday (1/15/19) and I feel like I am still coming down from it. I can go from being perfectly fine to on edge in a matter of seconds.
I don’t feel like functioning today | So I’ll ignore all my calls | Until they fade away to my voicemail | Which I’ll never even bother to check anyway…