My entire life I have been a people pleaser. I worry about everything I say or do. I worry about offending people. I worry about hurting others’ feelings while trampling over my own. Lately, I am sick of it. Lately, I have been saying how I feel or giving my honest opinion on situations when in the past I would tip-toe around everything out of fear or hurting others.
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Why do bad memories and things that have happened to us that are negative have to hurt so damn much?
I feel like it has been a long, exhausting day when I hardly did anything today but attended a doctor appointment, make phone calls, and went to Dunkin’ Donuts. I am still in tremendous amounts of pain, especially a few of my teeth that need dental work done. Both sides of my mouth hurt and I am in a great deal of pain during and after eating almost anything.
I feel like all I do anymore is go to doctor’s appointments. This has not been a good week for me. Wednesday at 4:30 am I woke my boyfriend up to take me to the ER… (Continue Reading)
I took my nighttime medications around 8:30 p.m. and thought that I would be asleep by now. I have journaled, read part of two different books, and played games on my tablet. While I am starting to feel a bit drowsy, it is not enough to be able to fall asleep. I intend to take an emergency sleep aid soon as it is almost midnight.
It is currently a little after 8:30 in the morning and the bestie, Jazmine, and I have been hanging out all night and just talking about anything and everything under the sun. She was supposed to go to work today but instead is taking a much needed day off. It’s been a long time since we last stayed up all night together just talking. I wouldn’t have it any other way, though.
With all of this good news and excitement, I still don’t feel quite right. Something still feels off for me. I don’t know how to explain it for once. I should be thrilled; I don’t have to see the PA anymore, I’m starting a new medication, my best friend is happier than ever, I am now on the cover design part of my book. I just don’t get it. Everything is going so well. I guess mental illness is tricky like that.
What I am about to discuss may be a trigger for some people who have dealt with sexual assault or self-harm. Please read with caution. If anything upsets you, please stop reading.
It’s a gloomy, rainy Tuesday in November. The sky is completely gray, and I kind of like it that way. I am not a sunshine-loving person – most of the time. I woke up around 6:30 a.m. and was hoping to be able to catch the sunrise in order to get some beautiful pictures – even though I am not fond of the sun – but with the clouds so gray there was no sunlight shining through
Today is going to be a big day for me because I am meeting my cousin, Ashley, for the first time since she was a baby – over 20 years ago.
I am super excited because I received the final edits to my MS (manuscript) last night. Now, I guess it’s off to be formatted and will be done sometime early next week. I know I say this all the time, but this is such an amazing opportunity. My MS is coming together much faster than I anticipated!
If you are in recovery and are worried about attending a holiday party, I can offer you some advice and tips on how I got through it. I am not telling you that you are going to feel comfortable being around your drug of choice and that it is going to be all sunshine and cupcakes, but that doesn’t mean that you have to relapse either. I do not advise anyone in early recovery to put themselves in the same situation that I was in, either. If you don’t have to go to a party just yet, then don’t go. It is so much easier to sit at home and be sober than it is to be around everyone having fun with a drink in their hand.
I have been up and going since yesterday afternoon with only about three hours of sleep last night. I was definitely on a bit of an upswing. I was so excited yesterday when I received my manuscript edits that it triggered a bit of hypomania. For me, just being overly excited can trigger it. I welcomed it with open arms until the agitation started to creep up to the surface. However, now, I can feel the crash starting to set in – already.
As it turns out, I have developed what is known as the “Lamictal Rash.” But instead of taking me off it like my regular psychiatrist would have done, the doctor that examined me decided to lower the dose back down to just a mere 25mg. Now, 25mg was not even close enough to a therapeutic level for me. So I honestly don’t see the point in taking something that will not benefit me, and that has also caused me to get the dreaded “rare” side effect.