I am not really feeling any better than I was last night when I wrote about being in an agitated, anxiety-fueled bipolar manic episode. If anything, I feel worse than I did yesterday. Perhaps this is because, like I anticipated, I did not get any sleep or rest last night. Instead, I manically wrote for hours on end. I didn’t even notice when nighttime turned into daylight.
Usually, I look forward to manic episodes as long as they are the happy, fun-loving, euphoric types of mania. But we don’t always get what we want, do we?
Coming down from a manic episode can be different for everyone. We’re all unique in how our bodies and minds are made up. But for me, when I am coming down from a manic episode, it is almost comparable to coming down from a drug or alcohol high because that is exactly what our minds and bodies are doing; coming down from an emotional high.
To people who have never been through a manic episode, they may think that it’s something that isn’t such big deal. They may see it as a free burst of energy that could easily be controlled with will power. (If only it were that easy!) But if you are bipolar or have a close loved one who is inflicted by this disorder, you know all too well how devastating manic episodes can quickly become for the person and the people who care about them the most.
Who else is up with me right now?! Well, technically it is after midnight already. But the title of this post is still very fitting right now. (It’s going on almost 2:30 a.m. already) And as I was trying to wind down and relax for the night by watching some Netflix, my mind decided rest would be out of the question – at least for the time being!
The past two days I have been in such a good mood. I got to spend the weekend hanging out with my mom (and boyfriend) despite all the Coronavirus restrictions and chaos.
If you couldn’t already tell by the title and picture of this post, I am feeling pretty manic today. My mind is going a million miles a minute and my fingers and mouth can’t seem to keep up. I keep making so many typing errors already just because I am trying to type as fast as humanly possible since my mind is going so fast.
Doctors don’t completely understand the causes of bipolar. Its symptoms include having the elated highs of mania to the lows of major depression, along with various mood states between. These extremes in mood are called “episodes”. Or as I like to call them, “temporary insanity.”
My mood is all over the place right now. I think I am in a mixed bipolar episode. These episodes can really be the worst. It feels like there is two or three of me arguing inside of my head. It’s like there is a f***ing battle going on in my mind. I can’t stand it!
What goes up, must come down can easily define Bipolar Disorder. Meaning, after every high — or manic episode — a low is sure to follow.
I have been meaning to blog for a little while now but every time I would create a post I would delete it. If I can remember correctly when I wrote my last personal post I was in a full-blown downswing. Since then, I have been a very agitated manic and then bounced around from up, down, to everything in between.
I had a manic episode wash over me last Tuesday (1/15/19) and I feel like I am still coming down from it. I can go from being perfectly fine to on edge in a matter of seconds.
Yesterday was an excellent day for me. I was and still am in a very good mood. Yet, part of me is worried that this feeling is going to crash at any minute and my depression will return. But I am trying to not think like that because I want to really enjoy this happy feeling. It is also slightly euphoric. I am not sure if it is getting ready to turn into a manic episode. Who knows, maybe it is already one! (Continue Reading…)
2018 is coming to an end and most people are planning out their New Year’s resolutions. After the chaotic year that I have had filled with so much loss and heartbreak, I am going into 2019 without many expectations. I am not going to say that this is the year that I will finally lose all this extra fluff that I carry around. I am not going to say that this is the year I get married (again). I am not even going to say that this is the year I hope they find a cure for bipolar disorder. (Continue reading…)
Today is World Mental Health Day 2018, and today is also my dear friend Dyane Harwood’s book’s one-year birthday. 🎂 Yes, Dyane’s memoir Birth of a New Brain–Healing From Postpartum Bipolar Disorder was published one year ago today on October 10, 2017! We have a real treat for you guys today. To celebrate her books birthday, Dyane is giving away free PDF copies of her amazing book–and I highly suggest checking it out!
Normal people are asleep right now. But as for me… I’m up like, “Yeah, let’s get productive!” I guess this may be the start of a hypomanic/manic episode. In all honesty, I don’t mind it as long as the agitation that is sometimes associated with mania doesn’t show up. I’d choose mania over a depressive episode any day!