Today has been a very mentally and emotionally challenging day for me. I had the worst panic and anxiety attack that I have ever had in my life and it literally lasted for about an hour or perhaps even longer.
Sick Not Weak
It’s almost 6 in the morning and the bright, beaming sun will begin to rise soon and I still haven’t slept yet. My body feels exhausted and physically drained. I’m struggling with some mental fogginess as well. At this point, I am not even sure if I will make sense to anyone other than myself.
Helplines are there for people during their times of need. If you are ever struggling with things such as your mental health or addiction, please reach out to others for help and support. You do not have to try to be “brave” or “tough.” It’s okay to not be okay. That does not make you weak.
Save or print this helpline reference sheet in case of emergencies!
I have tried so many different treatment options and therapies to help try to manage and maintain my mental health and chronic pain disorders. I have been on the medication roller coaster ride for nearly 20 years already, and I am only in my early 30’s! There was a lot that led up to me finally deciding to try medical marijuana.
I sincerely apologize for being MIA for the past few weeks. I just realized the other day that my last post was published on May 11th, 2020 (and was titled Mother’s Day Blues). My days are almost always blurred together lately and unless I have an appointment, I usually don’t know what I did on what day.
I have been losing track of time since I was in my teens. And I don’t mean losing track of time like the time just flew by; I mean literally losing track of time to the point where you have gaps in your life where memories should be. It would take almost 20 years to figure out why and for someone to actually pay attention to what I was saying and believe me.
Sure, everyone deals with anxiety from time to time. After all, it is a human emotion and automatic response to certain situations. But for people without anxiety disorders, the anxiety passes as the situation gets resolved or is dealt with and then they can be on their way as everything returns to normal.
I would like to start by wishing everyone a Happy (belated) Easter. Many of us couldn’t be with our immediate family this holiday thanks to COVID-19, but I hope you were all able to make the best of a bad circumstances!
If you have a friend or a loved one who struggles with their mental health it is always a good idea to research your loved one’s diagnosis in order to understand them and what they are going through better. Sometimes people who don’t really understand what is going on inside of their loved one’s head can say or do certain things that were meant out of kindness but actually do more harm than good.
Coming down from a manic episode can be different for everyone. We’re all unique in how our bodies and minds are made up. But for me, when I am coming down from a manic episode, it is almost comparable to coming down from a drug or alcohol high because that is exactly what our minds and bodies are doing; coming down from an emotional high.
To people who have never been through a manic episode, they may think that it’s something that isn’t such big deal. They may see it as a free burst of energy that could easily be controlled with will power. (If only it were that easy!) But if you are bipolar or have a close loved one who is inflicted by this disorder, you know all too well how devastating manic episodes can quickly become for the person and the people who care about them the most.
Who else is up with me right now?! Well, technically it is after midnight already. But the title of this post is still very fitting right now. (It’s going on almost 2:30 a.m. already) And as I was trying to wind down and relax for the night by watching some Netflix, my mind decided rest would be out of the question – at least for the time being!
The past two days I have been in such a good mood. I got to spend the weekend hanging out with my mom (and boyfriend) despite all the Coronavirus restrictions and chaos.
If I could pick one thing I hated about myself it would have to be my anxiety…
Lately I have been feeling so up and down that it’s almost like a baseline doesn’t exist for me anymore. I am either manic or depressed; there is no in between.
Today, we reached 800+ Facebook followers on our My Bipolar Mind page! That is amazing to me. I never even anticipated having more than one single follower when I first created this blog a few years ago.
It’s hard to believe it’s already almost mid-December. The year feels like it has just flown by. Some days do seem to go by faster than others, but as a whole — the year went pretty fast.
I know Thanksgiving was about 3 days ago, but I would still like to wish everyone a very Happy (belated) Thanksgiving! I hope everyone who celebrated this holiday in the U.S. had a great day with their loved ones. I know the holidays can be challenging for many people; myself included.
If you couldn’t already tell by the title and picture of this post, I am feeling pretty manic today. My mind is going a million miles a minute and my fingers and mouth can’t seem to keep up. I keep making so many typing errors already just because I am trying to type as fast as humanly possible since my mind is going so fast.