Bipolar Disorder

The Sun Will Shine After The Rain

I want to start by apologizing for my absence from this blog. If you read my last few posts, I was stuck in a depressive episode. But like with everything else, the sun will shine after the rain. I still have gloomy moments but, for the most part, I have been feeling a lot better these past few days. A lot of that has to do with an exciting email that I received from an intern at a publishing company. 

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I’m Okay Right Now…

I’m okay right now. But who’s to say how I will feel by later on tonight, or even within the next hour. But I am okay right now, and that is all that matters to me. I have been preoccupied and so consumed with being in this bipolar low that I haven’t really had a moment where I have felt okay. I am trying to enjoy it while I can. I feel like I have a moment of clarity inside of my chaotic mind for some reason. Or maybe I am just having a bit of mania breakthrough the dark clouds which are a welcomed change to feeling so low all the time.

| Lost In Thought |

Journaling helps but sort through a lot in my head. But when that’s not enough, I sometimes tend to turn to blogging. Creating a post for my personal blog section sometimes helps get things out in a similar way of journaling but, to me, it sometimes feels like it does so much more. So here is what’s been bogging me down internally:

Behind This Smile…

Behind this smile, I find that I am slowly losing myself again. Is it depression? Is it anger? I have no idea. I have gotten so good at hiding behind a broken smile that no one else can see me slipping away again. Some moments I am fine. Then others, I am not. I have been rapid cycling because I never know when my bipolar disorder is going to betray me again. I never know when it’s going to crash me all the way down to the bottom instead of partially.

Lost On This Bipolar Rollercoaster Ride

I am somewhere on this bipolar rollercoaster ride, but I am not quite sure where. I think I may be stuck in the midst of a mixed episode. I have some symptoms of mania, yet some symptoms of depression at the same time. I will go from being highly productive and wanting to get things done to being the complete opposite. I am not exactly sure how I am feeling, and because of all the this, I am pretty sure this is a mixed episode.