Lately I have been feeling so up and down that it’s almost like a baseline doesn’t exist for me anymore. I am either manic or depressed; there is no in between.
I know Thanksgiving was about 3 days ago, but I would still like to wish everyone a very Happy (belated) Thanksgiving! I hope everyone who celebrated this holiday in the U.S. had a great day with their loved ones. I know the holidays can be challenging for many people; myself included.
When you Google the meaning of overwhelmed one of the definitions is: “Defeat completely.” And completely defeated can perfectly go to describe how I have been feeling at times.
Being a prisoner inside one’s own cranium is one of the darkest and loneliest places to be, and sometimes even the most dangerous.
My mood is all over the place right now. I think I am in a mixed bipolar episode. These episodes can really be the worst. It feels like there is two or three of me arguing inside of my head. It’s like there is a f***ing battle going on in my mind. I can’t stand it!
October 2019 holds more than just spooky stuff and Halloween. Maybe you’re having a bad day, a bad week, a bad month, maybe even a bad year. Perhaps you’re not feeling like yourself and haven’t for quite some time. Maybe you have everything to be grateful for but are having a hard time finding even a little bit of joy in your everyday life. When is it more than just a bad mood or a bad day?
Autumn is hands down my favorite time of the year. The weather gets cooler in Pennsylvania, the leaves start to turn beautiful colors before gliding to the ground, it’s hoodie weather, plus, let’s not forget Halloween! I am also one of those pumpkin spice coffee lovers as well! I just love the Fall season! I hate summer even though I am a Leo; a summer baby.
I would like to welcome Amber from WriteAboutRecovery.com as she talks about Choosing the Right Rehabilitation Center for a Loved One.
Selecting the right rehab center for a loved one can be a major challenge, no matter how old they are or where they are in life.
I haven’t been keeping up with blogging lately — even though I have all the time in the world right now. I always seem to have time but the desire I used to have for writing, even journaling, just hasn’t been there since June… since my life fell apart again. My life is always falling apart, though. This is nothing new.
On August 4, 2019, I turned 33-years-old. I created so many different blog posts since my birthday but all kinds of different craziness would happen and I would delete the post and start fresh with more to talk about. To be honest, I will even be amazed if I finish this post. Sometimes I feel like my life could be a Lifetime movie. Does anyone else ever feel like that or is it just me?
Suicide Awareness & Prevention is something that I am passionate about. I understand how it feels to want to give up and end it all when you can’t take the pain any longer; I am a suicide attempt survivor. I shouldn’t be here today, but I am glad that I am despite the obstacles and challenges that I still face in my everyday life. I would have missed so much if I had succeeded. I understand how hard life can be sometimes. If I can pull through, so can anyone else who is going through it right now. Just know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. YOU ARE LOVED.
Photo by Jules D. on Unsplash Toxic Positivity: What Is It? Toxic positivity is, in a sense, pushing for someone to change their current mental state by telling them things like, “You’ll get over it,” or even, “Just be positive!” Little phrases like those two examples are usually meant to be […]
According to MentalHealthAmerica.net, about 54 million Americans suffer from some type of mental illness in a given year. With over 200 types of classified mental illnesses, that number can expect to rise. Yet many people cannot recognize mental illness in other people, let alone themselves. Having a mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, it is just how your brain is wired and it doesn’t make you any less of a person.
What goes up, must come down can easily define Bipolar Disorder. Meaning, after every high — or manic episode — a low is sure to follow.
This post contains some things that may trigger certain people. I am issuing a trigger warning for self-harm and suicidal ideation. Please use caution when reading. If you feel you may be triggered by these things do not read past here. Thank you.
I love and adore my best friend, Jazmine. She did something that made me feel a little bit better. I cried almost 24 hours when Buddy tragically passed away. I was in such a haze and shock that I honestly don’t remember everything I wrote in my last post, So Heartbroken. I am still too heartbroken to go back and even try to read it. But my best friend showed up Friday night with a little – adorable – surprise for me.
Last night was horrible for me. I think I am still in shock and traumatized. My cat died last night. I heard a crash in the bathroom and happened to be right outside the door and when I looked in I seen my cat fall and snap his neck then fall over. I was the last thing Buddy seen before he died. I am so, so heartbroken right now. I have been crying since last night. I can’t even tell you what time it happened because when I saw what happened time stopped for me.
I apologize for not posting much lately. I have been keeping myself busy with writing for different sites and blogs. I also haven’t been blogging because I don’t really want to talk about how I feel right now. This feeling is completely new to me. I have never gotten to the point where I just don’t want to talk about what is really going on inside my head. I am going to try to open up a little, but it is giving me a lot of anxiety.
A Waste of Space I have not been feeling like myself since last night, and trying to find joy in anything today is challenging. I feel like a complete waste of space. I cannot afford to take care of myself right now, and I know others are getting […]
I have been meaning to blog for a little while now but every time I would create a post I would delete it. If I can remember correctly when I wrote my last personal post I was in a full-blown downswing. Since then, I have been a very agitated manic and then bounced around from up, down, to everything in between.
What are triggers? This is a very good question in a time when everyone is talking about how they are so triggered by this that and the other. Triggers are things that you have learned that may cause you distress. They can be anything from a word, event, place, date, even a person them self can be a trigger.
A storm is brewing and a depressive episode is underway. I can feel it try to pull me under the surface as it surrounds me. I am trying to fight my way against it with everything that I have. I knew after the mania ended that I was headed in this direction. I was just hoping that it wouldn’t be so soon.
How to Calm Anxiety Before a Panic Attack I am a strong and relentless woman. I had my feet granted, always knew what I want and where I was heading, well! at least so I thought. I had a rough childhood that made me stronger. I survived what […]
My new book, “My Bipolar Mind: You’re not alone,” if now available on paperback on Amazon.
2018 is coming to an end and most people are planning out their New Year’s resolutions. After the chaotic year that I have had filled with so much loss and heartbreak, I am going into 2019 without many expectations. I am not going to say that this is the year that I will finally lose all this extra fluff that I carry around. I am not going to say that this is the year I get married (again). I am not even going to say that this is the year I hope they find a cure for bipolar disorder. (Continue reading…)
Too Good To Be True Chtistmas was really good for the first time in a while. I enjoyed the whole day, until about 10pm. My laptop had this blue screen pop up that had a “:(” on it and it said something ablout an error and that it […]
Why do bad memories and things that have happened to us that are negative have to hurt so damn much?
I feel like it has been a long, exhausting day when I hardly did anything today but attended a doctor appointment, make phone calls, and went to Dunkin’ Donuts. I am still in tremendous amounts of pain, especially a few of my teeth that need dental work done. Both sides of my mouth hurt and I am in a great deal of pain during and after eating almost anything.
A mother’s journey and struggle with her child’s mental health as well as her own. Continue reading to find out about one mom telling her son’s story.
Not too long ago my friend was selling a few $15 HempWorx CBD Sampler Packs. I thought it was a better time than ever to give a try since I have been hearing such amazing things about HempWorx. My one friend stated that this CBD brand changed her life for the better. So, of course, I wanted in on this. Plus, even for samples $15 was not a bad deal. I went ahead and ordered one sampler kit.
Once again I have fallen behind on posting, but Samantha always gives me friendly reminders. I was so tired, but after my shower I didn’t feel tired anymore so I figured now would be a good time to post. There’s so much racing through my mind the past […]
“Do you know what it’s like to make the choice to give up your precious child because she was too fragile for this earth?”
Baseline I have been pretty much baseline the past few days. Not really elevated, but not really depressed either. I am just existing. I suppose baseline is considered to be stable. Although, with how chaotic my mind sometimes gets, I don’t necessarily feel like the most stable woman […]
Hopelessly Bipolar My Manic Madness only lasted about three days, but that doesn’t necessarily make it any less painful. At first, I loved the manic episode I was in. I had the typical euphoric feelings commonly associated with bipolar mania. However, after the first day, it started to […]