What Is Verbal Abuse?

By: Nicole Renae

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What is verbal abuse? Can you define it? I myself have fallen victim to it and believed everything to be true. Verbal abuse is not only words used to belittle and hurt; it’s also used to control and manipulate. There is a slight difference depending on the person, friends can playful joke, weirdly enough criticizing and saying hurtful things has become a custom among friends, but do not get me wrong. Friends can do it just as well as parents, other family members, but more commonly is the significant other. I have not read statistics even though I probably should.

When I was with my ex, I would tell him how I’d feel about something, or just simply telling him something, he would make me feel dumb for feeling the way I did. Saying that I was in the wrong, or just arguing over nothing at all. Everything I had to say he countered making me feel bad on a regular basis. Now, this isn’t always the case, if a friend is telling you you’re wrong and making you feel bad, but has brought points up in a scientific manner or political debate state, it’s not necessarily verbal abuse. If that person takes it to another level, then more then likely yes. 

Blaming is another way to verbally abuse someone, as when my ex who was a Narcotic addict would run out, I would be blamed, it was my fault for stressing him out so much if I wouldn’t have he wouldn’t have had to take so many. This can or already is leading to a controlling manner. When something is out of your control, but you are still being blamed or made to feel guilty, it’s another form of verbal abuse. 

If a person is saying “you” statements with a negativity about you.  You’re always whining about something,  you’re too much, you can’t even do that right. It’s not ok, that is abusive and its slowly breaking you down and making you think you’re not worth as much as you are. This was a very common thing with my ex. People would ask me Nicole why are you still with him? Every time it was I love him, one day he will see it. He never did, and the truth. My ex tore me down to nothing, I had nothing left. No longer did I have pride, confidence, trust, self-worth. Nothing, I didn’t even feel like a good enough mother to our daughter.

I could go on and on about what verbal abuse is. Everyone knows the most common verbal abuse. Calling someone hurtful names and yelling at the person. No matter how angry you are, take a step back. Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt me, that’s a lie. Bones heal! Not saying physical abuse is ok, it’s most definitely not. But words do hurt, even when we say that they don’t, they do. They stick with you for a very long time, even when you forgive, even when you temporarily forget. Try your best to not yell or call names.  Trust me, I’ve definitely not always been the best person. I’ve called people names, I’ve also had those same people tell me that when I did, I broke their heart. 

Verbal abuse, it’s a nightmare. If you do not take charge and make that person stop, it can lead to lasting effects. Yes, he/she will apologize and say he’s/she’s sorry, how much he/she loves you when you tell them you’re done. Love, I have been there, I have friends who have been there. The residual effects can and will last, after my ex, I could no longer trust. I had relationships end for the simple fact I couldn’t feel for them. They were amazing guys that treated me with respect and were proud to have me as me. But I always had the things my ex had said floating around in the back of my mind causing self-doubt, insecurities and a downright nasty view on relationships.  I still struggle with it today, 

I have a first-hand perspective on this subject and I’m telling you, this is just a stepping stone for an abuser. Please be careful please trust your gut. And I promise you, no matter what you’re hearing, what is said to you.  You are a beautiful person, and worth so much more than you can imagine. With that being said, don’t be a victim, be a Phoenix and rise from the ash.

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About the Author:

My name is Nicole Renae, I just recently started writing again after a long break. I’m not a professional writer or blogger by any means. Just a regular Jane. Most of my life has been a struggle, my childhood was not bad by any means, there are things that I only get bits an pieces of memories from because I’ve blocked things out. I’ve personally been diagnosed Bipolar with manic depression insomnia PTSD and DID. Extreme panic and anxiety disorder. So first-hand experiences with feelings and all the lovely things that come along with those beautiful things.  What I mean by beautiful things is, it took me a long time to understand these things that help make up a fraction of me, I’m still learning and taking it day by day to manage these things.

I’m a single mother of 3 beautiful babies, which whom two of them are very different than most kids their age. My oldest has ADHD, insomnia, anxiety disorder and PTSD. My son, he has ADHD and he is also autistic,  which is a handful, but he is the most amazing little boy ever. My youngest, well shes just an interesting little sassy pants. I work, I play, and I create. I love to help anyone I can by sharing my story, and learning new things to help cope and share them with others In Hope’s to make their lives a little easier. I’ve been writing poetry and short stories since I was in the 7th grade… which good lord that was a while ago? My goal is to help as many people as I can to get through their day, cause God knows I’ve had days where I didn’t think I could or would. 

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