Happy Thanksgiving: Remember to Give Thanks

Image by Deborah Hudson from Pixabay

Today was a pretty good day. I got out of work at 1 pm today since Thanksgiving is tomorrow (already–I can’t believe the year is almost over!). Luckily at my job, I work in the office and not as one of the Direct Support Professionals (DSPs) so I have tomorrow off but return to the normal routine on Friday.

For those who celebrate Thanksgiving, I would like to wish everyone a Happy Turkey Day. I hope you enjoy the holiday the way you want and that you can find it in your heart to be grateful for everything that you have and not to stress over what you don’t have. You can even make up a gratitude list so that you are able to see what you are grateful for in writing, right in front of your own eyes.

Good thing I have off tomorrow. It’s almost 10:30 pm and I still haven’t taken my night meds yet since I don’t feel like going to bed yet. I have energy. I am wide awake. I feel like I am a bit on the manic side today and that’s why I assume I am not ready for bed.

Even though the office closed at 1 pm today, I was the only office team member who got to leave on time. Everyone else was stuck on their work and couldn’t leave yet. By 12:45, I got the trash together to be taken out and then I clocked out at exactly 1:01 pm. I don’t even know if I am getting paid for the four hours I missed by leaving mid-shift.

I’m not going to want to go back to work Friday. At least it’s just one day and then I have the weekend off. I have no idea what I am doing yet. I do know I am trying to hang out with my one ex from high school back when I was like 16. We reconnected and haven’t hung out in a while. Too bad he has a girlfriend though because I have a bit of a crush on him, which is bad since he’s taken.

I got my schoolwork for the day. I also started working on an assignment early to try to get ahead.

I even went out with a friend for two hours and we walked around this one park called The Rose Garden. It was a male friend of mine who is more of an acquaintance than an actual friend. Before we went to the park we drove around for a little and I was nice and ’tis the season of giving and all so I put $20 worth of gas on his car.

I also bought my mom and myself a carton of cigarettes and then I Cashapped her money to get what she still needed for Thanksgiving Day. I don’t have much spending money left, but I was able to put some money into my savings account. It’s thanks to the check my school, Grand Canyon University (GCU), sent to me, I was able to help my mom out and also get some of the things I needed.

At least I get paid this Friday. But it is only going to be for four days’ worth of work since I went on a brief leave for a week to help my brother out after his surgery that was unpaid for. And, to top it off, I owe the Dave app about $132.00. So, after that comes out of my pay, I’ll be lucky if I have $300 left in my check.

I’ve been distracted by people calling me and messaging me. It’s now a few minutes away from midnight. I still haven’t taken my meds. Maybe by like 1 or 2 am, I’ll take them.

I wonder what time I am going to be woken up tomorrow. Hopefully, I will be able to sleep until like 11 am or noon. My mom is cooking Thanksgiving dinner. She said we will probably eat around 1 or 2 pm. Then, we have to go pick my cousin up from work which is about 30 minutes away. I didn’t have contact with this cousin for over 30 years and then I saw her once one year ago and again three weeks ago.

My mom raised my cousin until she was six months old and sometime after that, my cousin’s dad got full custody and wouldn’t let our side of the family see her. But under tragic circumstances, my Aunt Laura and my cousin’s mom passed away from an alcohol binge that claimed her life a few years ago, I somehow ended up getting into contact with Laura’s two daughters after she passed and we have been talking ever since through calls and texts.

My siblings have never met our cousin before since they weren’t born yet by the time my cousin’s dad got custody of her. I bet my cousin is going to be nervous because she is shy like me it seems. But once she starts to feel comfortable she opens up more, just like how I used to be and sometimes still am. From working as a store manager and having to greet every customer who enters the store, I am a bit more outgoing than I used to be.

I find that even though being a store manager made me basically have a mental breakdown, I have learned to overcome some of the things that used to cause me really bad anxiety, like talking to strangers. Now, I tend to say “hello” to everyone who catches my eye. I just miss the pay I was receiving as a manager. But I hated that I was capped at 48 hours a week and I had to work 48 hours a week, when I was actually putting in 60-80 hours a week and only getting paid up to that 48-hour mark.

I should’ve really cleaned my room up better today instead of going out for two hours earlier today, but I hardly go out anymore so when this friend called me to hang out I jumped on the offer. I get cabin fever sometimes and feel like I just need to get out of the house.

I basically only hang out with one person anymore, and that happens to be my best friend of 24 years, Jazmine. And I honestly don’t get to see her as much as I’d like to. She is a busy mom of five kids and she is also trying to make her candle business take off. She got really good at making adorable candles that look and smell amazing. She also makes wax melts that look too good to burn.

Well, it is 1:17 am EST. It is officially a Holiday now. So, Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

Thanksgiving can be a little hard for me if I am left alone with my thoughts for too long. That is the last holiday my Gram was alive for. She passed away on November 27th, 2012. It was unexpected. The last voicemail I had from my Gram was on Thanksgiving. I really wish I would have called my Gram back but I didn’t know that would be the last time I got to hear her voice. I was extremely close to my grandmother. She was the only person in my life who has never turned their back on me.

Even though it will be 11 years since she left this Earth, I still miss her very much. I used to have so much fun spending time with my Grammy. She used to always say, “Are you my Sammy?” and i’d always reply back with, “Yes, are you my Grammy?” I miss hearing her say that so much. It was our thing. After all these years, I can hardly remember her voice. I know exactly what she looked like though, and I dream about her sometimes. Those are the dreams I hate getting woke up from when I’m dreaming of my Gram.

I don’t deal with deaths very well. I end up sinking into a deep, dark depression when someone I really care about and love dies. I’ll be the one that’s a blubbering mess at the funeral. My grandmother no longer looked like herself when she was lying in the casket. She was so bloated and the makeup job was horrible. That’s the last image I have that is stuck in my head of my grandmother. May she rest in peace and have a wonderful Thanksgiving wherever her soul has traveled to.

It’ll be 2 am in a few minutes, and I still have not taken my nighttime meds like I said I would. I will soon though. Somewhere between 2:30 and 3 am. It’s okay for me to be up this late for once since I don’t have to work tomorrow. I can’t sleep all day, though.

I am such an idiot. I unblocked my ex to wish him a Happy Thanksgiving and then I blocked him right away again. I’m not trying to get a response from him, even though I would like to know if he’s being the single “playa” that he claims to be/wanted to be. I just wanted to be nice.

Back when I was younger when my great-grandmother (Mammy) and my grandmother (Grammy) were still alive, we could have big family Thanksgiving meals and then we would always go to my Grammy’s house for dessert and she would make up a bunch of different pies. That’s back when I had an extended family. Now, most of my extended family like aunts, uncles, and cousins, are all dead to me. My family consists of my immediate family and less than a handful of my extended family.

I can’t believe Christmas is next month already. I didn’t even start on my Christmas shopping yet. There is even Christmas music on certain radio stations now and after tomorrow, the station my mom and I usually listen to in the car (100.7 WLEV FM), will be playing basically nothing but Christmas music and it’s not even December yet.

The only people I really have to get presents for are my mom, and I got to get her double the presents since her Birthday is December 18th, my one sister, two of my brothers, my sister’s girlfriend, my cousin Jo Jo, and most likely also for some people at work. Oh, and of course I have to get my best friend some gifts too!

It’s after 2:30 am and I finally took my knock-out nuggets (my nighttime meds). Sometimes my pills kick in fast, and other times it could take over an hour. I never know what to expect when I take them.

When I finally get drowsy and groggy enough to lay down I am going to have to move Japer, my cat, since he’s lying right on top of my blankets. This means that I will have to spend at least 10 full minutes petting him until he gets sleepy again so that he won’t attack me. I have to lay on my side and pat my thigh to get him to jump up on top of me so that he can lie down on my side while I pet him.

Well, I am going to prepare for bed. Have a Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Much Love,

Samantha ❤