I am not really feeling any better than I was last night when I wrote about being in an agitated, anxiety-fueled bipolar manic episode. If anything, I feel worse than I did yesterday. Perhaps this is because, like I anticipated, I did not get any sleep or rest last night. Instead, I manically wrote for hours on end. I didn’t even notice when nighttime turned into daylight.
Usually, I look forward to manic episodes as long as they are the happy, fun-loving, euphoric types of mania. But we don’t always get what we want, do we?
Coming down from a manic episode can be different for everyone. We’re all unique in how our bodies and minds are made up. But for me, when I am coming down from a manic episode, it is almost comparable to coming down from a drug or alcohol high because that is exactly what our minds and bodies are doing; coming down from an emotional high.
To people who have never been through a manic episode, they may think that it’s something that isn’t such big deal. They may see it as a free burst of energy that could easily be controlled with will power. (If only it were that easy!) But if you are bipolar or have a close loved one who is inflicted by this disorder, you know all too well how devastating manic episodes can quickly become for the person and the people who care about them the most.
The past two days I have been in such a good mood. I got to spend the weekend hanging out with my mom (and boyfriend) despite all the Coronavirus restrictions and chaos.
If you couldn’t already tell by the title and picture of this post, I am feeling pretty manic today. My mind is going a million miles a minute and my fingers and mouth can’t seem to keep up. I keep making so many typing errors already just because I am trying to type as fast as humanly possible since my mind is going so fast.
My mood is all over the place right now. I think I am in a mixed bipolar episode. These episodes can really be the worst. It feels like there is two or three of me arguing inside of my head. It’s like there is a f***ing battle going on in my mind. I can’t stand it!
What goes up, must come down can easily define Bipolar Disorder. Meaning, after every high — or manic episode — a low is sure to follow.