Time To Get Back On Track
Yesterday, (or since it’s almost 5 am shall I say Thursday?) was a bad day for me. But I was right on target when I said that it was just a bad day and that bad days happen. I kept telling myself that tomorrow would be better and it was definitely better. I really wish I wouldn’t have gotten that pack of Newports on Thursday because now my bariatric surgery is back on track.
Apparently, the woman who I spoke to had just recently started working in that office again after an extended break and had no idea what was going on. My referral was not canceled. I got set up for my next apartment on June 12, 2018, to start my program with what they consider “day 1.” It’s basically an H&P appointment (History and Evaluation) and with the type of insurance I have, they found a way to work around everything a while back so now people like me are okay. Which is great news for me! I have had people question if I was really “big enough” to go through with it (the surgery) and BMI’s don’t lie, so I suppose I am.
I do feel kind of embarrassed to tell people that I am going for a bariatric surgery for some reason, but it is going to change my life. I have never been able to get under a certain weight since I was a teenager and as much as I hate to admit it, that was 15 years ago if you place me at like 15-years-old.
Tomorrow, well today, when I wake up – because yes, I do plan on sleeping! I was up late working – will start my quit date and no more cigarettes for me (again). I hope that I don’t have another mini-mental break down until I am smoke-free for at least 2-4 weeks so I am, hopefully, able to handle stress a little bit better. I made it to like 6 days or so, I was disappointed in myself. But there is no use thinking about what I have already done because I cannot change that. I have to think about what I am doing in the present and what I want to do in the future and make sure I really think before I act irrationally. But damn was I feeling horrible. I guess it is kind of a good thing that I am rapid cycling at the moment, otherwise, I may have felt down for quite some time.
I was in such a great positive mood and was more productive then I have been in weeks. I almost finished an entire article – which was 20 entries long – I only have four or five more entries to go. And this one requires a lot of research from multiple sites per entry. I also made it to a med check appointment, made it to the pharmacy, and also got to spend some time with my best friend. I also got some good news yesterday – after my last post – that we are going to be moving either at the beginning of June or July. I am so excited! We have been in our basement apartment for 5 long years now. It’s time for a change. I am just a little worried about daring to dream and then getting my hopes crushed, yet again, because it always happens to me almost every single time. But maybe this could be the start of something new?
All in all, it was just a great day!
Until Next Time…
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Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.