Mixed Emotions & New Opportunities

Something amazing came up, and the first thing I wanted to do was call my mom to tell her this awesome new… then I stopped and thought, “Oh yeah, we’re not talking!” That completely screwed with my emotions. I was just so excited and then lost it. She has not tried to contact me and neither has any of my siblings from her side. I tried to call my aunt and pretty much got the hint that there is no relationship there either.

Family wise, blood-related, I only have Crystal and my dad left. And my dad lives in Florida, so I can’t even see him. And Crystal, we live in the same state but its like we’re right down the street. We have to plan things out in advance so when something happens, it’s not like I can just show up. And I guess this website wasn’t for her, I was a little too pushy when it came to trying to get her to help me set up this site. I mean, she didn’t say that to me, I am saying that because I know I was pretty pushy, but I just wanted to get things done and taken care of. Plus, she said didn’t really have time to maintain this site and post anything up, so it was kind of pointless.

I know Jazmine’s extremely busy too, as of right now she still wants to be a part of this site but just don’t have time. And despite what she thinks, I do understand that four kids, a full-time job, a house, pets, and now BabyGaga, that she is busy a lot… beyond busy actually. I just feel kind of dumb for buying an upgrade, changing the name of the site, and everything else for what feels like nothing to me. I have a vision in my head and I just don’t know how to achieve it.

So, my big news that I wanted to tell my mom but can’t, is that this author and mental health advocate contacted me personally about a book he wrote and said he would be honored if I would read his book and write up a review. He feels honored?? I feel honored! This is simply so amazing to me. I can’t hardly believe it. I so worried I am going to screw this opportunity up because of how excited I am about this! After I finish this post, I am going to start reading his book. Did I already mention that I’m so excited? 😀 The synopsis of this author’s book sounded amazing, so I definitely cannot wait to start reading it. I would have started earlier, however, I had to finish up my article.

Other than this awesome news that has me excited, I have been feeling kind of up and down lately. Sometimes, pretty often, I have been getting mixed episodes where I feel almost up and down at the same time. Being bipolar can suck sometimes. But with everything that is going on, I feel that I am handling stuff way better than I would have ever expected. I do miss Max a lot too. It feels so weird not having my cuddle buddy. Thinking about my mom and brother stealing my dog just makes me angry as all hell.

I know that nothing will ever be the same in my life again, all because I wanted to live my life the way I wanted too. That’s kind of messed up though when you think about it. I still can’t help but wonder how long this is gonna last or if it will ever get any better. I mean, my home life is great. It’s just the stuff going on with my family that I am referring too.

-Samantha♥