Scared & Pregnant
I found out that I am pregnant — on accident. I went to the ER for what I thought was an ll day heavy period with massive cramping just to find out that I was actually pregnant.
The OB doctor there said with such low HCG levels (14) that it was a very early pregnancy and that I was either miscarrying since they couldn’t see anything in the ultrasounds, or that the pregnancy could be ectopic, but that they highly doubt it was going to be a normal pregnancy; especially with all the bleeding and cramping. But they said they couldn’t rule anything out without another set of levels to compare it to.
So, today I had another set of levels taken; they jumped from 14 to 267. Could that be a good sign? I see my OBGYN tomorrow at 1:45 pm to get a repeat ultrasound and checkup done. I know I am fighting against the odds, but I pray that I will be able to carry this baby to term and that he or she will be happy and healthy. With everything going wrong in my life, this one piece of news could be a life-changer.
I have always wanted to be a mom and I am petrified that this pregnancy isn’t viable. I have no other children. This baby will either be born, or he or she will forever be my “angel baby.”
As many as 50 percent of pregnancies end in misacrriage¹ and that is a scary amount of pregnancies lost.
It is about 3:30 in the morning, and I should be asleep. But I am no damn nervus about today’s upcoming OBGYN appointment that sleep keeps eluding me. It’s now less than 12 hours away.
I can’t help but to hope and pray that somehow, just somehow, my baby will be strong enough a fighter and will survive and beat the odds that are stacked against us.
I don’t often say this, and I personally don’t care what you believe in — to each their own — but please, please, pray to your higher power that my baby will be okay.
Samantha & Her Unborn
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.