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I want to apologize, yet again, for not writing anything recently. This time it’s for medical reasons.

The other day around 4 am, I started to feel like my heart was pounding, and it was definitely more than your average anxiety or panic attack, and I started to feel really, really dizzy and lightheaded. My body felt like it was floating on air and my chest started to hurt really bad.

So, I decided to check my pulse on my Samsung gear smartwatch and then was shocked by what it said and it honestly scared the crap out of me. It was at 186. My heart was definitely pounding against my chest hard enough for it to be accurate, so I checked it on my blood pressure machine and sure enough, it was the same thing.

I started to panic, which only made the situation worse. I probably should have called 911 or something after a while but I didn’t. My heart rate would not come down. So I decided to try taking deep breaths and then laid down and tried to calm myself. I eventually just fell asleep.

I honestly thought I was going to die or something. I was like, “Wow, so this is how it ends.” You have to love when your anxiety and panic get the best of you. I actually started praying for my heart rate to come down (I am not a very religious person). After a while, I started to feel like, if this is how I am meant to go out, then it is what it is. I know this may sound overdramatic, but when something like this is happening to you, worry sets in and you either have to continue to worry or accept what is happening.

When I woke up in the morning (a few hours later – thank God I woke up), my heart rate was jumping around from high to a little below average. So, I finally decided to go to the ER. Plus, my chest pain was almost excruciating.

At the ER, they couldn’t figure out what was wrong. They just knew that I didn’t have a heart attack. I don’t know if the cardiologist was trying to make me feel better by saying this, but it honestly made me feel worse, “You can survive a few days with your heart rate up at 186…” Yeah, would that make anyone feel better?

So, I went for a follow up at my PCP’s office (primary care physician) and now I have to go for an echocardiogram and get a 48-hour halter monitor put on this coming Wednesday (5/9/18). I am a bit nervous. Monday at 4 am will make it a week since I had this randomized episode.

I am so nervous though, because what if they can’t tell me why my heart rate keeps going so high because they couldn’t find anything wrong. I mean, I have had my heart rate in the 160’s before during physical activity. But the 186 was my resting heart rate. I was so scared to move out of fear that it would keep climbing. And for all I know it did go higher than that, I was too scared to check it once I started moving around. Then, I am also nervous that they will find something wrong with my heart.

Wish me luck…

Thanks for reading, and until next time…



Samantha View All

Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog

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