I can’t seem to get my brain to function right this morning. I feel like I am trapped inside a thick fog and can’t navigate my way around. Perhaps this has something to do with only getting two hours of sleep. I even took all my nighttime meds and was still unable to stay dreamland. (Continue Reading)
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From my last blog post just last night until sometime early this morning, I seem to have developed a touch of hypomania to add some variety to my life. I only got about an hour or so of broken sleep between 7:30 and 8:30 am. I was sure that after my ramblings last night I shouldn’t have much more to say, but I was wrong. From about 4 am until the time I went to sleep I just sat in bed and manically journaled until my hand started to cramp up. I had to force myself to stop writing in order to get the little bit of sleep that I did.
I took my nighttime medications around 8:30 p.m. and thought that I would be asleep by now. I have journaled, read part of two different books, and played games on my tablet. While I am starting to feel a bit drowsy, it is not enough to be able to fall asleep. I intend to take an emergency sleep aid soon as it is almost midnight.
With all of this good news and excitement, I still don’t feel quite right. Something still feels off for me. I don’t know how to explain it for once. I should be thrilled; I don’t have to see the PA anymore, I’m starting a new medication, my best friend is happier than ever, I am now on the cover design part of my book. I just don’t get it. Everything is going so well. I guess mental illness is tricky like that.
I am super excited because I received the final edits to my MS (manuscript) last night. Now, I guess it’s off to be formatted and will be done sometime early next week. I know I say this all the time, but this is such an amazing opportunity. My MS is coming together much faster than I anticipated!
I have been up and going since yesterday afternoon with only about three hours of sleep last night. I was definitely on a bit of an upswing. I was so excited yesterday when I received my manuscript edits that it triggered a bit of hypomania. For me, just being overly excited can trigger it. I welcomed it with open arms until the agitation started to creep up to the surface. However, now, I can feel the crash starting to set in – already.
I am on a complete rant right now! So please forgive me. I can’t help but wonder if it is only me, or if it is everyone who writes for this specific website.
Last night when I went to bed, I just had this gut feeling that I was not going to be feeling well the following day. Sure enough, I was right. I woke up feeling sick as all hell. I am a massive drama queen when I get sick. Although, I am nowhere near as bad as when a man gets sick! Sorry, fellas, but it is so true. Most guys act like they are literally dying when they just get the common cold! I feel too awake to rest, but yet feeling slightly fatigued at the same time. I didn’t know you could really have one without the other.
Once again, I am surprised that I am still awake after taking some many different things that could probably knock an elephant out. Okay, so, maybe I am exaggerating, but you get the gist. I may try adding a little CBD oil to tonight’s medication regimen. It worked well to help me calm down earlier, so perhaps it could help me wind down for sleep as well tonight.
Okay, so, I am not literally counting sheep until I fall asleep, but you get the gist.
It is about 12:30 am and I am slowly getting drowsy – most likely thanks to the 300mg of Trazodone that I take at night – but my mind is running a thousand miles a minute. I figured I would take this opportunity to blog a bit.
It’s not often that I find myself waking up with energy while in a great mood. So, I figured I would switch it up and make a post while my depression is suppressed for this moment in time. I want to savor this moment and place it safely in my memory – hopefully in a place where I will remember it 😀 – so that when I am feeling down I can pull this memory out and know that sometimes things are okay.
My head has been completely crazy these past few days. Yes, I know my head is a mess most of the time anyway, but it just seems to have gotten worse. Lately, I feel like I am living in a fog. It doesn’t seem like this is my real life anymore. Money’s tight but other than that things are going well. My relationship is good, I am slowly getting back into writing, although, I do believe I took on more than I can actually handle at the moment. So, the question of the day is: Why do I still feel the way I do?
I apologize, once again, for being MIA, but for some reason, I have not been able to write anything – no blog posts, no articles, not one damn thing – and it is driving me absolutely insane! I am a writer and a blogger so writing is what I do. I would also like to add that I am also going to be a published author in the near future!
I want to start by apologizing for my absence from this blog. If you read my last few posts, I was stuck in a depressive episode. But like with everything else, the sun will shine after the rain. I still have gloomy moments but, for the most part, I have been feeling a lot better these past few days. A lot of that has to do with an exciting email that I received from an intern at a publishing company.