I want to wish everyone a Happy Easter! If you celebrate, I hope that you are able to spend some time with your loved ones. To those of you who are spending the holiday solo, that is okay too, but always remember that you are loved and that there is nothing wrong with being alone on the holidays. Spend the entire day doing the things that you love – choirs can wait until tomorrow.
It is hard to really decipher how I am feeling. I’m up and down, high and low. If someone were to ask me how I was feeling, I would probably have to shrug my shoulders and then laugh and cry at the same time. I am trying to look at things from an optimistic viewpoint while feeling pessimistic and unsure about almost everything in life. I keep wondering if I am good enough… at anything.
Living with Personality Disorders is one of the hardest mental disorders you can deal with on a day to day basis. Along with mood swings, it causes you to be mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. Not knowing what to expect, or how to feel, it really takes a toll on any person dealing with something as such. (Continue reading…)
I know that a few posts ago before the new year even hit, I had mentioned that I was not planning out any new year’s resolutions and that I was going to go into 2019 without any expectations. I had originally said that the only thing I wanted in 2019 was to be happy since 2018 really broke me down and drug me through the mud. (Continue Reading…)
I can’t seem to get my brain to function right this morning. I feel like I am trapped inside a thick fog and can’t navigate my way around. Perhaps this has something to do with only getting two hours of sleep. I even took all my nighttime meds and was still unable to stay dreamland. (Continue Reading)
Book Review: “You’re Going to be Fine” by Britteny D. Herz You’re Going to be Fine, by author Brittney D. Herz, is a captivating and heart-wrenching true story about juvenile mental health and the...
From my last blog post just last night until sometime early this morning, I seem to have developed a touch of hypomania to add some variety to my life. I only got about an hour or so of broken sleep between 7:30 and 8:30 am. I was sure that after my ramblings last night I shouldn’t have much more to say, but I was wrong. From about 4 am until the time I went to sleep I just sat in bed and manically journaled until my hand started to cramp up. I had to force myself to stop writing in order to get the little bit of sleep that I did.
I took my nighttime medications around 8:30 p.m. and thought that I would be asleep by now. I have journaled, read part of two different books, and played games on my tablet. While I am starting to feel a bit drowsy, it is not enough to be able to fall asleep. I intend to take an emergency sleep aid soon as it is almost midnight.
With all of this good news and excitement, I still don’t feel quite right. Something still feels off for me. I don’t know how to explain it for once. I should be thrilled; I don’t have to see the PA anymore, I’m starting a new medication, my best friend is happier than ever, I am now on the cover design part of my book. I just don’t get it. Everything is going so well. I guess mental illness is tricky like that.
I am super excited because I received the final edits to my MS (manuscript) last night. Now, I guess it’s off to be formatted and will be done sometime early next week. I know I say this all the time, but this is such an amazing opportunity. My MS is coming together much faster than I anticipated!
I have been up and going since yesterday afternoon with only about three hours of sleep last night. I was definitely on a bit of an upswing. I was so excited yesterday when I received my manuscript edits that it triggered a bit of hypomania. For me, just being overly excited can trigger it. I welcomed it with open arms until the agitation started to creep up to the surface. However, now, I can feel the crash starting to set in – already.
Last night when I went to bed, I just had this gut feeling that I was not going to be feeling well the following day. Sure enough, I was right. I woke up feeling sick as all hell. I am a massive drama queen when I get sick. Although, I am nowhere near as bad as when a man gets sick! Sorry, fellas, but it is so true. Most guys act like they are literally dying when they just get the common cold! I feel too awake to rest, but yet feeling slightly fatigued at the same time. I didn’t know you could really have one without the other.
Once again, I am surprised that I am still awake after taking some many different things that could probably knock an elephant out. Okay, so, maybe I am exaggerating, but you get the gist. I may try adding a little CBD oil to tonight’s medication regimen. It worked well to help me calm down earlier, so perhaps it could help me wind down for sleep as well tonight.