I had to give up on someone, we’ll call her Karen, for pretty much the first time in my life. Like completely give up, walk away, and wash my hands of her. I had to learn the hard way that I can’t help and save everyone. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved or isn’t ready to receive the help yet.
What goes up, must come down can easily define Bipolar Disorder. Meaning, after every high — or manic episode — a low is sure to follow.
It is hard to really decipher how I am feeling. I’m up and down, high and low. If someone were to ask me how I was feeling, I would probably have to shrug my shoulders and then laugh and cry at the same time. I am trying to look at things from an optimistic viewpoint while feeling pessimistic and unsure about almost everything in life. I keep wondering if I am good enough… at anything.
My entire life I have been a people pleaser. I worry about everything I say or do. I worry about offending people. I worry about hurting others’ feelings while trampling over my own. Lately, I am sick of it. Lately, I have been saying how I feel or giving my honest opinion on situations when in the past I would tip-toe around everything out of fear or hurting others.
Lucky me, I have received my third concussion in two years.
I just need to vent. It’s but such an irritating morning and it has only just begun. I didn’t get to sleep until close to 6 something in the morning and was rudely around 8 am to the very annoying sounds of water dripping. Let me just say that it is not raining outside but more so inside my apartment.
Is this ever going to get an easier for me? Will I ever stop longing for, and missing the people that hate me the most right now?
“…Seriously though, I really do hate everything about you. As much as I hate you though, I feel obligated to love you.”
I have always been the bad one. The irresponsible one. The black sheep of the family. The one who’s always wrong. There is absolutely no point in me trying to defend myself or to speak my words. This is past words. This is dysfunctional and irreversibly broken right now.
I’ve been having a hard time processing Wade’s death and I couldn’t figure out why. I mean, yeah, he was my godkids father. So, yes, I feel beyond horrible with what they are going through, and with what my best friend is going through, but I just couldn’t […]
I had a boringly eventful day. One might ask how something is boringly eventful. Well, what I mean by that is that I have had a pretty boring day (I spent about 90% of my waking day writing and doing outlines, and finding new articles to write for […]
I’ve wanted to post something for a while now, but just haven’t totally what to say or write. My life has been flipped upside down and I feel like I have lost so much. So, Mike left me. We are done and over and it hurts so much. […]
Completely Heartbroken 💔 I’m drowning again, only this time I have a legitimate reason for being pulled under the water this time around. Sometime this morning when Mike, my boyfriend, wakes up he is going to be calling his dad to try to have him help find […]
So, I did end up getting paid. Babygaga is a legit company, however, I still have no cash in hand. I’m stuck waiting for PayPal to transfer it to my bank, and then floor my bank to release it to me. I’m a highly impatient person, and I’ve […]
Today has been pretty good for me while also marking my first 4th of July Sober. But I managed to make it through with of too much of an issue. I did not even get my a** to a meeting like I should have. Then again, I also did not get any sleep like I should have… I have not been to bed yet and I tried everything I could think of, besides illegal stuff and drugs and alcohol, to get me to sleep but to no avail.
Ghostwriter Blues When I agreed to become a ghostwriter I didn’t realize that I would take it so hard once I started seeing another author take claim for all of my hard work. It’s that simple. The other day, I don’t know why, but I decided to […]
It had been brought to my attention that I am really not bipolar because everyone is bipolar. Never tell a person will mental illness that they are faking their disorder. It is arrogant. Stand up for mental health stigma.
The Constant Cycles Of My Bipolar Mind By the time someone has told me how much they really like or dislike something, there is a good chance that I have already had 50 different emotions plays out within my head. My thoughts race beyond my control, making it […]
Sea Isle City 2017: Day 6 (Thursday) For the first time since I have been on vacation, I did not isolate… at least fully. I spent some time working on my one article, even though my focus was horrific for some reason today. I just could not […]
Sea Isle City 2017: Day 5 (Wednesday) I am absolutely mentally exhausted. On top of my normal 6 articles a week, I had to do an extra 2 more due to another writer having an emergency. These articles should have been so simple, but they were in a […]
I guess it’s safe to say I made it to my destination without much of an issue. I wish I could say I have been having the time of my life since I’ve gotten here, but that would be an outright lie. I mean, don’t get me wrong, […]
I should be excited right now since I leave for vacation Saturday morning, but the closer it gets the more anxious I start to feel. This is going to my first vacation sober. I don’t know how well I am going to be able to handle that, especially […]