I had to give up on someone, we’ll call her Karen, for pretty much the first time in my life. Like completely give up, walk away, and wash my hands of her. I had to learn the hard way that I can’t help and save everyone. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved or isn’t ready to receive the help yet.
What goes up, must come down can easily define Bipolar Disorder. Meaning, after every high — or manic episode — a low is sure to follow.
It is hard to really decipher how I am feeling. I’m up and down, high and low. If someone were to ask me how I was feeling, I would probably have to shrug my shoulders and then laugh and cry at the same time. I am trying to look at things from an optimistic viewpoint while feeling pessimistic and unsure about almost everything in life. I keep wondering if I am good enough… at anything.
My entire life I have been a people pleaser. I worry about everything I say or do. I worry about offending people. I worry about hurting others’ feelings while trampling over my own. Lately, I am sick of it. Lately, I have been saying how I feel or giving my honest opinion on situations when in the past I would tip-toe around everything out of fear or hurting others.
Lucky me, I have received my third concussion in two years.
I just need to vent. It’s but such an irritating morning and it has only just begun. I didn’t get to sleep until close to 6 something in the morning and was rudely around 8 am to the very annoying sounds of water dripping. Let me just say that it is not raining outside but more so inside my apartment.
Is this ever going to get an easier for me? Will I ever stop longing for, and missing the people that hate me the most right now?
“…Seriously though, I really do hate everything about you. As much as I hate you though, I feel obligated to love you.”
I have always been the bad one. The irresponsible one. The black sheep of the family. The one who’s always wrong. There is absolutely no point in me trying to defend myself or to speak my words. This is past words. This is dysfunctional and irreversibly broken right now.
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It had been brought to my attention that I am really not bipolar because everyone is bipolar. Never tell a person will mental illness that they are faking their disorder. It is arrogant. Stand up for mental health stigma.
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