When things are going fairly well in my life and I am not on the outs with a loved one during the holiday season, I usually always feel a childish sense of excitement and eagerly await Christmas Day. But this year, it doesn’t even feel like Christmas time for me. It feels just like every other day of the year. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled that I get to spend tomorrow with my family and my boyfriend but it still just doesn’t feel like Christmas to me. And Christmas has always been my favorite part of the year.
Last night was horrible for me. I think I am still in shock and traumatized. My cat died last night. I heard a crash in the bathroom and happened to be right outside the door and when I looked in I seen my cat fall and snap his neck then fall over. I was the last thing Buddy seen before he died. I am so, so heartbroken right now. I have been crying since last night. I can’t even tell you what time it happened because when I saw what happened time stopped for me.
I apologize for not posting much lately. I have been keeping myself busy with writing for different sites and blogs. I also haven’t been blogging because I don’t really want to talk about how I feel right now. This feeling is completely new to me. I have never gotten to the point where I just don’t want to talk about what is really going on inside my head. I am going to try to open up a little, but it is giving me a lot of anxiety.
Too Good To Be True Chtistmas was really good for the first time in a while. I enjoyed the whole day, until about 10pm. My laptop had this blue screen … Continue Reading Too Good To Be True
Once again I have fallen behind on posting, but Samantha always gives me friendly reminders. I was so tired, but after my shower I didn’t feel tired anymore so I … Continue Reading Feeling Amazing
It’s been a while since my last post, a long while. As some of you may know, my kids father passed away and then I got a promotion to supervisor. … Continue Reading I’m Back
Journaling helps but sort through a lot in my head. But when that’s not enough, I sometimes tend to turn to blogging. Creating a post for my personal blog section sometimes helps get things out in a similar way of journaling but, to me, it sometimes feels like it does so much more. So here is what’s been bogging me down internally:
*Trigger Warning* | These feelings bubble to the surface again | And I can’t help but to feel | Like my razor is my only friend…
Her depression is swallowing her whole
Mother’s day is a wonderful day for many people around the world who are celebrating their mother’s. Mother’s day isn’t like that for me… Read More
Is this ever going to get an easier for me? Will I ever stop longing for, and missing the people that hate me the most right now?
This is a bittersweet tragedy. I gained back what I wanted, which was my life back, but I ended up losing something in the process. One step forward, two steps back.