Once again I have fallen behind on posting, but Samantha always gives me friendly reminders. I was so tired, but after my shower I didn’t feel tired anymore so I figured now would be a good time to post. There’s so much racing through my mind the past […]
It’s been a while since my last post, a long while. As some of you may know, my kids father passed away and then I got a promotion to supervisor. It’s been very hectic lately and I think I’ve become depressed. Most days I don’t want to go […]
It’s been a long day today. This week has been extremely hectic. It’s always one thing after another with no room for a break. I’m hoping next week gets better and I actually have some time to stop and smell the roses. I did get to enjoy some […]
Have you ever had a reoccurring dream? Reoccurring dreams are dreams that are about the same exact thing or very similar dreams. These dreams can be delightful or they can be terrifying nightmares. Some people believe dreams have no meaning. There’s not much scientific proof regarding dreams, so […]
They say you can be anything you want to be as long as you put your mind to it. I do believe that to a certain extent. Many people want to be millionaires, but as we all know, that doesn’t happen for everyone. I do believe if we […]
Just about everyday is a hectic day for me. I have four children, which keeps me on my toes constantly. I have been working in a group home for a little over four years. For the last two years, I have been a senior staff, which is similar […]
Dealing with a loss is one of the hardest things to face, especially when it’s someone your close to. Death can be unexpected, but even when it’s not, it’s still hard to deal with. As you may know, I posted a while back about a loss that I […]
Becoming a writer has forced me to explore feelings and emotions that I have locked away many years ago. I didn’t have an easy childhood. I had so many bad things that happened to me as a child that it became normal to me, but I knew deep […]
Is this ever going to get an easier for me? Will I ever stop longing for, and missing the people that hate me the most right now?
I can’t believe everything that I have been through this year. It’s so surreal. Trying to think back to everything that’s happened feels hazy. Like I cannot even trust my own perception of time.
I keep bouncing in between feeling hurt and sad to feeling extremely angry regarding the current predicament that I find myself in.
I have always been the bad one. The irresponsible one. The black sheep of the family. The one who’s always wrong. There is absolutely no point in me trying to defend myself or to speak my words. This is past words. This is dysfunctional and irreversibly broken right now.
An overdose can happen to anyone, at any age. Not only does an overdose affect the life of the person who chose to put the drugs into their system, but it affects the lives of everyone that they know, or even knew.
I had a boringly eventful day. One might ask how something is boringly eventful. Well, what I mean by that is that I have had a pretty boring day (I spent about 90% of my waking day writing and doing outlines, and finding new articles to write for […]
I am slowly starting to get my life back. One day at a time, one piece at a time, and one moment at a time.
Completely Heartbroken 💔 I’m drowning again, only this time I have a legitimate reason for being pulled under the water this time around. Sometime this morning when Mike, my boyfriend, wakes up he is going to be calling his dad to try to have him help find […]
I just seem to be feeling overly anxious at the moment, and I only just woke up less than an hour ago. I cannot get my mind to just stop running wild. Today I will be getting my first paycheck from Babygaga. It still feels kind of unreal to […]
The Adventure Begins I am finally getting back to normal, and I love it! I was in such a bad spot with that depressive episode. Sleep was impossible, but that was all I wanted to do. I couldn’t sleep because my mind would not stop racing with […]
After careful consideration, I have decided to quit my ghostwriting job. It just was not worth it anymore. I sent them an email about it and their only response back was literally, “Oh, wow!” and I have not heard anything since. I was so nervous when I did it.
Today has been pretty good for me while also marking my first 4th of July Sober. But I managed to make it through with of too much of an issue. I did not even get my a** to a meeting like I should have. Then again, I also did not get any sleep like I should have… I have not been to bed yet and I tried everything I could think of, besides illegal stuff and drugs and alcohol, to get me to sleep but to no avail.
Ghostwriter Blues When I agreed to become a ghostwriter I didn’t realize that I would take it so hard once I started seeing another author take claim for all of my hard work. It’s that simple. The other day, I don’t know why, but I decided to […]
Emotional Overload I am in an emotional overload and I don’t know why. I am all over the place and every little thing has been making me cry. I know I have had a medication increase, but I really don’t think it is that. When I was talking […]
Sea Isle City 2017: Day 6 (Thursday) For the first time since I have been on vacation, I did not isolate… at least fully. I spent some time working on my one article, even though my focus was horrific for some reason today. I just could not […]
Sea Isle City 2017: Day 5 (Wednesday) I am absolutely mentally exhausted. On top of my normal 6 articles a week, I had to do an extra 2 more due to another writer having an emergency. These articles should have been so simple, but they were in a […]
Today was a pretty bland day for me. I don’t think I really left the beach house we were staying at, except for stopping and picking up pizza. I really isolated today. In my defense though, the weather was pretty crappy. It was windy and cloudy. I was […]
Since I am using writing as my main coping mechanism for my mental health and addiction issues, I have come to the conclusion that it is probably in my best interest to try to add at least one blog post daily. Blogging, and writing in general, are very […]
I guess it’s safe to say I made it to my destination without much of an issue. I wish I could say I have been having the time of my life since I’ve gotten here, but that would be an outright lie. I mean, don’t get me wrong, […]
I feel kind of ridiculous now for posting about how going on vacation is going to be hard for me because of much I am going to want to drink. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it still rings true. However, I found out this afternoon that my […]
I should be excited right now since I leave for vacation Saturday morning, but the closer it gets the more anxious I start to feel. This is going to my first vacation sober. I don’t know how well I am going to be able to handle that, especially […]
I haven’t really been able to add many posts or updates recently even though I’ve really been meaning too. I’ve just had a lot going on lately, so I figured that while I was awake at 2:30 am I would finally post my first update in a while.
My First Month Sober By: Samantha Steiner My last drink was around 11 PM on Saturday, April 8th, 2017. I was drinking with a girl that I conceded to be my best friend of almost 20 years and two of her cousins. Some stuff went down and we […]
My Newest Diagnosis & How it came to be Earlier this month, May 10th, 2017, my therapist diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after I finally opened up about certain events in my life. I always thought I had some sort of trauma in my […]
New Thoughts on Mental Health in the Work Place Over the past few months, I have learned how horrible and devastating it can be for it to get around your place of employment that you are struggling with mental illness and/or addiction. I have never, ever had […]
Hi! My Name is Samantha and I Have a Dual Diagnosis!By: Samantha Steiner By: Samantha Steiner I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder Mixed when I was just fourteen years old. Also, that happened to be the year that I became an alcohol and drug addict […]
29 Things I Have Learned in 29 Years After losing someone that you love, the pain eventually begins to dull after a while. You will never forget that person but time really does make things easier. If you want to achieve something in life you need to be […]