It’s almost 6 in the morning and the bright, beaming sun will begin to rise soon and I still haven’t slept yet. My body feels exhausted and physically drained. I’m struggling with some mental fogginess as well. At this point, I am not even sure if I will make sense to anyone other than myself.
I have tried so many different treatment options and therapies to help try to manage and maintain my mental health and chronic pain disorders. I have been on the medication roller coaster ride for nearly 20 years already, and I am only in my early 30’s! There was a lot that led up to me finally deciding to try medical marijuana.
I am not really feeling any better than I was last night when I wrote about being in an agitated, anxiety-fueled bipolar manic episode. If anything, I feel worse than I did yesterday. Perhaps this is because, like I anticipated, I did not get any sleep or rest last night. Instead, I manically wrote for hours on end. I didn’t even notice when nighttime turned into daylight.
I would like to start by wishing everyone a Happy (belated) Easter. Many of us couldn’t be with our immediate family this holiday thanks to COVID-19, but I hope you were all able to make the best of a bad circumstances!
Who else is up with me right now?! Well, technically it is after midnight already. But the title of this post is still very fitting right now. (It’s going on almost 2:30 a.m. already) And as I was trying to wind down and relax for the night by watching some Netflix, my mind decided rest would be out of the question – at least for the time being!
Some people look forward to going to almost all of their psychiatric appointments while others seem to loathe them. At times, it may feel like you have no idea what you’re supposed to talk about or discuss. Then other times, you may feel like you have way too much to bring up or go over that it can feel a bit overwhelming. These things happen to everyone from time to time.
It is currently after 3 o’clock in the morning and I am wide awake. I probably should try to get some sleep since I see my psychiatrist at 8:30 a.m., but I don’t think I am going to be getting much sleep. My body is tired and in so much physical pain (My back has been killing me!) but my mind is wide awake; which happens all too often. So, right now, I am #TeamNoSleep once again.
Today is day two of some bothersome insomnia. It is said that about 25 percent of Americans suffer from acute insomnia and that 75 percent of those cases clear up on their own without an issue after a maximum of three months. However, I am more of a chronic case since I typically have insomnia that has lasted more than at least three nights a week for longer than a three month period. In my case, I have been dealing with insomnia issues for as long as I can remember.
I feel like I have been neglecting my blog… and I guess I pretty much have been. I have been up and down and have had some med changes since the last time I wrote. I am at a place where I am unsure where I am at mentally. Some days I am great, while other days I am not so great. But I am surviving and that is all that really matters anymore, right?
I have been meaning to blog for a little while now but every time I would create a post I would delete it. If I can remember correctly when I wrote my last personal post I was in a full-blown downswing. Since then, I have been a very agitated manic and then bounced around from up, down, to everything in between.
I apologize for not blogging as much and for not creating “meaningful” posts like I used to. It’s temporary. Every now and again I will get severe writer’s block and will go days to weeks without writing anything at all. During these times, I seem to wander around aimlessly and not quite sure what to do with myself. I hope after writing a bit today (and writing this ridiculously long post) it will spark some more creativity inside my mind. I just need enough to finish the article I am working on for the time being.
Not too long ago my friend was selling a few $15 HempWorx CBD Sampler Packs. I thought it was a better time than ever to give a try since I have been hearing such amazing things about HempWorx. My one friend stated that this CBD brand changed her life for the better. So, of course, I wanted in on this. Plus, even for samples $15 was not a bad deal. I went ahead and ordered one sampler kit.
This post comes from Mental Health @ Home (https://mentalhealthathome.wordpress.com) and it has some very informative information about the nations mental health medication shortage regarding certain meds. I found this info very useful and it helped let me know that I… Read More ›
Hopelessly Bipolar My Manic Madness only lasted about three days, but that doesn’t necessarily make it any less painful. At first, I loved the manic episode I was in. I had the typical euphoric feelings commonly associated with bipolar mania…. Read More ›
Current Mood: Mania Madness The past two days seem like a complete blur of manic chaos. I did not sleep last night and the night before I only slept for less than three hours. It is currently after midnight and… Read More ›
As it turns out, I have developed what is known as the “Lamictal Rash.” But instead of taking me off it like my regular psychiatrist would have done, the doctor that examined me decided to lower the dose back down to just a mere 25mg. Now, 25mg was not even close enough to a therapeutic level for me. So I honestly don’t see the point in taking something that will not benefit me, and that has also caused me to get the dreaded “rare” side effect.
It is about 12:30 am and I am slowly getting drowsy – most likely thanks to the 300mg of Trazodone that I take at night – but my mind is running a thousand miles a minute. I figured I would take this opportunity to blog a bit.
It’s not often that I find myself waking up with energy while in a great mood. So, I figured I would switch it up and make a post while my depression is suppressed for this moment in time. I want to savor this moment and place it safely in my memory – hopefully in a place where I will remember it 😀 – so that when I am feeling down I can pull this memory out and know that sometimes things are okay.
I am learning to love my good days and not break down as badly on my bad days.
Since I am using writing as my main coping mechanism for my mental health and addiction issues, I have come to the conclusion that it is probably in my best interest to try to add at least one blog post… Read More ›
