|You Are Not Alone|
It’s 5:50 am and my alarm is scheduled to go off in an hour and ten minutes – at 7 am. I should be trying to cling to my last hour of sleep like a baby holding onto their favorite new toy before I have to wake up and get ready for the day like I usually do. But I woke up to a painful leg muscle cramp, also known as a Charlie Horse back in the day, and haven’t been able to go back to sleep since and that happened around 2 am.
It’s almost 1 am and usually by this time I have already been asleep for a few hours. Ever since I started my new job on August 2nd, on nights where I have to get up at 7:30 am for work, I take my night time meds around 9 pm and I am usually out within an hour. I am always so tired during the day since I am still trying to adjust to work life again so I haven’t had much trouble falling asleep at night.
I was finally able to force myself to try to lay down and rest around 6 am, shortly after my I published my last personal post, but no matter how hard I tried I could not get my eyes to stay closed or my mind to shut down enough to get any rest. I laid on my moms pull out sofa from 6 to 9 am just playing on my phone and once my mom and the dogs got up I gave up trying to rest and just folded the sofa back up for the day.
I know I already published one very long personal post earlier, but it is after midnight I still pretty awake so I figured I’d blog a bit more about whatever comes to mind. Although, I did just finally take my night time meds around 11:45 pm which is way later than I am used to taking them since moving back to my moms so hopefully they kick in before 1 am so I can still get an okay amount of sleep before my mom and her dogs get up in the morning.
It is almost 5:30 in the morning and in just about 3 hours, my mom will be calling me to let me know if she is definitely picking me up this morning to take me to do some running around while my boyfriend is at work. I didn’t plan on not getting any sleep tonight, but I was (and maybe still am) a bit manic and when I get manic my night meds don’t always seem to put me to sleep like they usually do every other night.
I have only had three different therapists since I started therapy maybe 8-10 years ago. My first therapist got laid off about 2-3 years after I started with her. That therapist didn’t believe working on past traumas and felt just trying to move past everything was the best method of treatment even though it was a lot of my past traumas that caused me to feel and act the way I did.
After staying up all night blogging about how my insomnia was triggering my anxiety in the wee hours of the morning, I feel like I’m just ready to crash and be lazy for the rest of the day. Only thing is, I still have about 2.5 hours of work left so being fully lazy isn’t an option for me at this moment.
Just a few hours ago, before I realized how bad my insomnia was going to be tonight, I posted about how I am still feeling like I am in an okay place in life. Even though I am feeling okay and content for the most part, that does not mean that I don’t have any more bad days or nights. Tonight happens to be a another night where insomnia has fully taken over and it is already almost 3:30 in the morning and my alarm for work is scheduled to go off at 7:50 am…
I feel like my new habit is monthly personal posts with other content sprinkled around here and there sporadically. It has been about a month since my last personal post which was titled: “Feeling Like I am in an Okay Place Lately.” And I am happy to report that I am still feeling like I am in an okay place in life right now.
I finally feel like I am on the right medication combination for my mental health disorders. It took 20 years of trial and error and getting prescribed more medications than I can even remember to get where I am today. I honestly felt like I’d never get to the point where I am okay on all my meds without any major side effects.
It’s already after 5 am and I have yet to sleep. My alarm for work is scheduled to go off at 7:45 am. There is no point in even trying to get any rest now especially because I am so wide awake. I have nothing going on at the moment, so I figured I would try to blog for a little – again – or until I have to start getting ready for work.
Physically exhausted So why is my brain still running at high speed My old friend insomnia showed up once again But she barged her way in with such force There … Continue Reading My Old Friend Insomnia | A Poem
Let’s welcome Rissa (who also happens to my head/lead Admin for the My Bipolar Mind Facebook Group) back to the My Bipolar Mind blog as she shares helpful information about Insomnia. She even included a FREE printable sleep log that was given to her by her own sleep doctor.
I hope that everyone who celebrates Thanksgiving has an amazing day Thursday filled with lots of thanks, gratitude, love, and the chance to be surrounded by those you cherish the most.
Let’s welcome Rissa back to My Bipolar Mind! She would like to share some very beneficial and useful information about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia. She’s gained this information via her doctors and own personal experience. Continue reading to learn more!
It has been some time since my last personal blog post. Since September 4th, 2020 to be exact, which is when I shared about the worst panic and anxiety attacks I have ever had. I feel like I have really been neglecting my blog but life is just so unpredictable at times. (Continue Reading…)
Today has been a very mentally and emotionally challenging day for me. I had the worst panic and anxiety attack that I have ever had in my life and it literally lasted for about an hour or perhaps even longer.
It’s almost 6 in the morning and the bright, beaming sun will begin to rise soon and I still haven’t slept yet. My body feels exhausted and physically drained. I’m struggling with some mental fogginess as well. At this point, I am not even sure if I will make sense to anyone other than myself.
It’s almost 4 a.m. and I’ve only managed to get about 2.5-3 hours of sleep. I went to bed around midnight and woke up around 3 a.m. and was pretty … Continue Reading Insomniac Ramblings
I would like to start by wishing everyone a Happy (belated) Easter. Many of us couldn’t be with our immediate family this holiday thanks to COVID-19, but I hope you were all able to make the best of a bad circumstances!
My Bipolar Mind 