I am learning to love my good days and not break down as badly on my bad days.
I recently just posted the first poem I have written in almost a year and have to say, it actually felt good to get back into poetry and release some emotion in a healthy way.
Christmas is a little over a week away. I still have some gift shopping to do. I am going to try my hardest to enjoy Christmas since that has always been my favorite holiday.
Christmas is the best time of year, but it’s also very stressful.
I just kept thinking about Max and about how much I really miss the little guy.
I am still wondering if I will ever get over the chaos that certain people instilled in me.
Between my family ditching me and then stealing my dog, the m/c, my mom putting my childhood dog down without them telling me or even asking me if I wanted to see him one last time, and everything else, I don’t want to do this anymore; I don’t know if I am strong enough to be able to do this anymore. But I guess I have to be.
What do I do from here?
Is this ever going to get an easier for me? Will I ever stop longing for, and missing the people that hate me the most right now?
I am always looking at the negatives and tend to overlook the positives.
I can’t believe everything that I have been through this year. It’s so surreal. Trying to think back to everything that’s happened feels hazy. Like I cannot even trust my own perception of time.
This is my family, the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally obviously love me conditionally or no longer love me at all, in general.
This is a bittersweet tragedy. I gained back what I wanted, which was my life back, but I ended up losing something in the process. One step forward, two steps back.
I keep bouncing in between feeling hurt and sad to feeling extremely angry regarding the current predicament that I find myself in.
Can I just start over? Make a fresh start, and forget everything that has happened to me since August.
“…Seriously though, I really do hate everything about you. As much as I hate you though, I feel obligated to love you.”