I haven’t been keeping up with blogging lately — even though I have all the time in the world right now. I always seem to have time but the desire I used to have for writing, even journaling, just hasn’t been there since June… since my life fell apart again. My life is always falling apart, though. This is nothing new.
My life is a complete mess right now. My 7-year relationship just came to an end a few days ago. Sometimes I am hurting a lot, other times I feel completely happy and free.
So, random thought from last night… I was working on a blog post — that I never finished — and it was titled “3am Thoughts,” and I couldn’t figure out what time “late night” transitioned into “early morning” so I settled on just saying “3am.” I probably spent way too much time being consumed by this question than I should have. And I didn’t necessarily feel like resorting to using Google to solve yet another debate for me. If you think that this a strange thing to be consumed by, you would not want to know about the rest of the crap that gets stuck inside my head!
From my last blog post just last night until sometime early this morning, I seem to have developed a touch of hypomania to add some variety to my life. I only got about an hour or so of broken sleep between 7:30 and 8:30 am. I was sure that after my ramblings last night I shouldn’t have much more to say, but I was wrong. From about 4 am until the time I went to sleep I just sat in bed and manically journaled until my hand started to cramp up. I had to force myself to stop writing in order to get the little bit of sleep that I did.
25 Activities You Can Try For Some Genuine “Me Time” Taking some “me time” means taking some time out for yourself every single day. Try not to look at “me time” as being selfish because it really isn’t. You are… Read More ›
I have been up and going since yesterday afternoon with only about three hours of sleep last night. I was definitely on a bit of an upswing. I was so excited yesterday when I received my manuscript edits that it triggered a bit of hypomania. For me, just being overly excited can trigger it. I welcomed it with open arms until the agitation started to creep up to the surface. However, now, I can feel the crash starting to set in – already.
I am so happy that my friend asked me to go to the Halls of Horror with her in Palmerton, PA. I had such a blast. I was worried about my heart rate for nothing because it had actually dropped to 65 bpm instead of rising like a normal person’s heart rate should when they are scared or anxiety fueled!
This was my first time at a haunted attraction. I much say that I highly recommend putting this place on your bucket list.
It is mental health awareness day and I was asked to write about this from the parent’s point of view. I have a daughter with Bipolar 1. I’ve been dealing with this for over 20 plus years, and I’ve had to deal with this has a single parent whose child’s father was in and out of her life depending on whatever partner he was with at the time and if they allowed him in her life so most of the time he was not in her life… Please Continue Reading…
I know May of 2019 is still a while away, but I found out through Facebook that The 4th Annual Lehigh Valley Mental Health Awareness Walk will be on May 3, 2019, from 9am – 2pm. The Lehigh Valley is in Pennsylvania and I am looking to get a group of people together to walk for this amazing cause that I am highly supportive of. Mental Health Awareness and helping others is the whole reason behind My Bipolar Mind.
Check out this VLog on the benefits of journaling for mental health and addiction. Plus, I added ways you can journal as well!
Once again, I am surprised that I am still awake after taking some many different things that could probably knock an elephant out. Okay, so, maybe I am exaggerating, but you get the gist. I may try adding a little CBD oil to tonight’s medication regimen. It worked well to help me calm down earlier, so perhaps it could help me wind down for sleep as well tonight.
Okay, so, I am not literally counting sheep until I fall asleep, but you get the gist.
It’s not often that I find myself waking up with energy while in a great mood. So, I figured I would switch it up and make a post while my depression is suppressed for this moment in time. I want to savor this moment and place it safely in my memory – hopefully in a place where I will remember it 😀 – so that when I am feeling down I can pull this memory out and know that sometimes things are okay.
My head has been completely crazy these past few days. Yes, I know my head is a mess most of the time anyway, but it just seems to have gotten worse. Lately, I feel like I am living in a fog. It doesn’t seem like this is my real life anymore. Money’s tight but other than that things are going well. My relationship is good, I am slowly getting back into writing, although, I do believe I took on more than I can actually handle at the moment. So, the question of the day is: Why do I still feel the way I do?
I apologize, once again, for being MIA, but for some reason, I have not been able to write anything – no blog posts, no articles, not one damn thing – and it is driving me absolutely insane! I am a writer and a blogger so writing is what I do. I would also like to add that I am also going to be a published author in the near future!
Journaling helps but sort through a lot in my head. But when that’s not enough, I sometimes tend to turn to blogging. Creating a post for my personal blog section sometimes helps get things out in a similar way of journaling but, to me, it sometimes feels like it does so much more. So here is what’s been bogging me down internally:
*Trigger Warning* | These feelings bubble to the surface again | And I can’t help but to feel | Like my razor is my only friend…
I don’t feel like functioning today | So I’ll ignore all my calls | Until they fade away to my voicemail | Which I’ll never even bother to check anyway…
My birthday has come and gone. It was on Saturday, August 4th, and I turned 32 years old. #BirthdayDrama
Her depression is swallowing her whole
Photo by Nathaniel Flowers on Unsplash Forgetting The Present A Poem | Samantha Steiner Remembering the past But forgetting the present I would love to reflect and reminisce on today But today seems so far away Yesterday’s memories have already begun to fade… Read More ›
Most people who have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder typically don’t mind the upswings – the hypomania and mania. It’s the downswings – the bipolar depression – that can really get under a person’s skin.
Its been an absolutely crazy week. I’ve been in the ER for my boyfriend a few times and once for myself as well. I have been having some major back pain again that even Kratom isn’t touching it. Either that, or I am not taking enough or not using the right strain for pain. I have been using white when I think red is for pain. Only problem is, red always puts me to sleep which I cannot do during the day.
I had gotten a message on Facebook from a young neighbor that used to live across the hall from me last night. She is only 18-years-old and she was in a lot of distress. She was telling me how horrible living was for her, and that she was planning on killing herself.
I am somewhere on this bipolar rollercoaster ride, but I am not quite sure where. I think I may be stuck in the midst of a mixed episode. I have some symptoms of mania, yet some symptoms of depression at the same time. I will go from being highly productive and wanting to get things done to being the complete opposite. I am not exactly sure how I am feeling, and because of all the this, I am pretty sure this is a mixed episode.
There are so many reasons why we should love ourselves. You are the only you that you have, and more often than not, the only person you can really rely on 100 percent is yourself.
I learned lesson today…
Other than my sporadic episodes of social anxiety, today has been okay for me.
Letting My Negativity Run Rampant