Bipolar

So Heartbroken

Last night was horrible for me. I think I am still in shock and traumatized. My cat died last night. I heard a crash in the bathroom and happened to be right outside the door and when I looked in I seen my cat fall and snap his neck then fall over. I was the last thing Buddy seen before he died. I am so, so heartbroken right now. I have been crying since last night. I can’t even tell you what time it happened because when I saw what happened time stopped for me.

Feeling A Little Crazy

I apologize for not posting much lately. I have been keeping myself busy with writing for different sites and blogs. I also haven’t been blogging because I don’t really want to talk about how I feel right now. This feeling is completely new to me. I have never gotten to the point where I just don’t want to talk about what is really going on inside my head. I am going to try to open up a little, but it is giving me a lot of anxiety.

My Shifting Moods

Today started off rocky. I was riddled with anxiety about having to leave the house to go to my Primary Care Physicians office. It was horrible. Lucky for me, I found some of my CBD oil and that took the edge off quite a bit.

A Waste of Space

A Waste of Space I have not been feeling like myself since last night, and trying to find joy in anything today is challenging. I feel like a complete waste of space. I cannot afford to take care of myself… Read More ›

Up, Down & Everything In Between

I have been meaning to blog for a little while now but every time I would create a post I would delete it. If I can remember correctly when I wrote my last personal post I was in a full-blown downswing. Since then, I have been a very agitated manic and then bounced around from up, down, to everything in between.

What Are Triggers?

What are triggers? This is a very good question in a time when everyone is talking about how they are so triggered by this that and the other. Triggers are things that you have learned that may cause you distress. They can be anything from a word, event, place, date, even a person them self can be a trigger.

A Storm Is Brewing…

A storm is brewing and a depressive episode is underway. I can feel it try to pull me under the surface as it surrounds me. I am trying to fight my way against it with everything that I have. I knew after the mania ended that I was headed in this direction. I was just hoping that it wouldn’t be so soon.

My Bipolar Mind: A Blessing in Disguise (Link)

I wanted to share a link with you all to a guest post I did for the lovely Christy over at When Women Inspire. She was nice enough to invite me over to her site. The piece I did for her is called “My Bipolar Mind: A Blessing in Disguise.” Do you think it’s possible to be able to look at your own mental illness as a blessing in disguise?

My Bipolar Rollercoaster by Kristine Colley

Living with Personality Disorders is one of the hardest mental disorders you can deal with on a day to day basis. Along with mood swings, it causes you to be mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. Not knowing what to expect, or how to feel, it really takes a toll on any person dealing with something as such. (Continue reading…)

In A Fog This Morning

I can’t seem to get my brain to function right this morning. I feel like I am trapped inside a thick fog and can’t navigate my way around. Perhaps this has something to do with only getting two hours of sleep. I even took all my nighttime meds and was still unable to stay dreamland. (Continue Reading)

Still Up In The Clouds

Today, so far, has been a good day. Part of me feels like my head is still up in the clouds. It could still be the rush from my book, My Bipolar Mind: You’re not alone, coming out, but I believe the reason I am also feeling so light-hearted has to do with the fact that my publisher decided to take on the new book I pitched to them. (Continue Reading…)

Feeling The Rush…

Yesterday was an excellent day for me. I was and still am in a very good mood. Yet, part of me is worried that this feeling is going to crash at any minute and my depression will return. But I am trying to not think like that because I want to really enjoy this happy feeling. It is also slightly euphoric. I am not sure if it is getting ready to turn into a manic episode. Who knows, maybe it is already one! (Continue Reading…)

A Touch Of Hypomania To Spice Things Up

From my last blog post just last night until sometime early this morning, I seem to have developed a touch of hypomania to add some variety to my life. I only got about an hour or so of broken sleep between 7:30 and 8:30 am. I was sure that after my ramblings last night I shouldn’t have much more to say, but I was wrong. From about 4 am until the time I went to sleep I just sat in bed and manically journaled until my hand started to cramp up. I had to force myself to stop writing in order to get the little bit of sleep that I did.

Lately…

My entire life I have been a people pleaser. I worry about everything I say or do. I worry about offending people. I worry about hurting others’ feelings while trampling over my own. Lately, I am sick of it. Lately, I have been saying how I feel or giving my honest opinion on situations when in the past I would tip-toe around everything out of fear or hurting others.

Still Feeling Off…

I took my nighttime medications around 8:30 p.m. and thought that I would be asleep by now. I have journaled, read part of two different books, and played games on my tablet. While I am starting to feel a bit drowsy, it is not enough to be able to fall asleep. I intend to take an emergency sleep aid soon as it is almost midnight.