Sometimes trying to manage your emotions can seem almost impossible.
My mind is wide awake and racing with a million things, but physically I feel exhausted.
Even though I was feeling blah I was still able to get a lot accomplished today.
I really do feel like I am learning to love life for the first time. I pray that things continue to get better.
I am learning to love my good days and not break down as badly on my bad days.
I know that things can get better if I continue to hang on to whatever I can to keep myself alive.
I am still wondering if I will ever get over the chaos that certain people instilled in me.
What do I do from here?
The past two days have been pretty crappy for me. Although, today I have had two good things happen, but I just don’t feel up to celebrating my small victories. However, I will say what they are. This morning I wake up to a message from my sister […]
Is this ever going to get an easier for me? Will I ever stop longing for, and missing the people that hate me the most right now?
So, I have come to the conclusion that I am in a mixed bipolar episode, yet again. For like the millionth time in my life. At first, I couldn’t figure out why I would be up and down at the same time totally. I have manic and depression […]
Information about mixed episodes for a person with bipolar disorder and the greatest risk is for someone in a mixed episode.
I am always looking at the negatives and tend to overlook the positives.
I can’t believe everything that I have been through this year. It’s so surreal. Trying to think back to everything that’s happened feels hazy. Like I cannot even trust my own perception of time.
It’s like I have two sides of me; a happy side and a depressed side, and they happen to be stuck together right now. Or it’s more like good vs. bad internally.
Something amazing came up, and the first thing I wanted to do was call my mom to tell her this awesome new… then I stopped and thought, “Oh yeah, we’re not talking!” That completely screwed with my emotions. I was just so excited and then lost it. She […]
I’ve been having a hard time processing Wade’s death and I couldn’t figure out why. I mean, yeah, he was my godkids father. So, yes, I feel beyond horrible with what they are going through, and with what my best friend is going through, but I just couldn’t […]
I had a boringly eventful day. One might ask how something is boringly eventful. Well, what I mean by that is that I have had a pretty boring day (I spent about 90% of my waking day writing and doing outlines, and finding new articles to write for […]
The Adventure Begins I am finally getting back to normal, and I love it! I was in such a bad spot with that depressive episode. Sleep was impossible, but that was all I wanted to do. I couldn’t sleep because my mind would not stop racing with […]
I am too scared to say that my depression has lifted because I don’t want to get my hopes up. What I can say is that, for today, things are looking up. Just because I have had one good day, for the first time in weeks, does not […]
I had to repeatedly remind me that it’s okay to do nothing over and over this entire weekend. While my laptop was… down… I didn’t get any writing done so I spent the entire weekend vegging out with Mike and binge-watching OITNB. (yes, I LOVE OITNB… die-hard fan!!!) […]
July 20, 2017 Sometimes I don’t even know where to start word-wise. I will have so much to say or have so much going on inside my head but I will be at a loss of where to actually start… and that is what is happening to me […]
July 19, 2017 My bipolar ride has finally taken me back to the lower end and I completely hate it. I knew the random manic highs I was getting weren’t going to last forever and that I would eventually crash to the lower side and now I am […]
After careful consideration, I have decided to quit my ghostwriting job. It just was not worth it anymore. I sent them an email about it and their only response back was literally, “Oh, wow!” and I have not heard anything since. I was so nervous when I did it.
Ghostwriter Blues When I agreed to become a ghostwriter I didn’t realize that I would take it so hard once I started seeing another author take claim for all of my hard work. It’s that simple. The other day, I don’t know why, but I decided to […]
It had been brought to my attention that I am really not bipolar because everyone is bipolar. Never tell a person will mental illness that they are faking their disorder. It is arrogant. Stand up for mental health stigma.
The Constant Cycles Of My Bipolar Mind By the time someone has told me how much they really like or dislike something, there is a good chance that I have already had 50 different emotions plays out within my head. My thoughts race beyond my control, making it […]
My Panic Attack: June 26, 2017 With my emotions running ramped, it is not surprising that I am having panic attacks. It’s also not surprising that they are back to back. What is surprising, is that the fact that looking into my kitchen, and seeing that it was […]
Journaling & Mental Illness Journaling can be an important and beneficial factor in mental illness. It can help improve your overall mental well-being because it can create a healthy outlet to express your emotions. A lot of people that struggle with any type of mental illness, or addiction, […]
Sea Isle City 2017: Day 6 (Thursday) For the first time since I have been on vacation, I did not isolate… at least fully. I spent some time working on my one article, even though my focus was horrific for some reason today. I just could not […]
Sea Isle City 2017: Day 5 (Wednesday) I am absolutely mentally exhausted. On top of my normal 6 articles a week, I had to do an extra 2 more due to another writer having an emergency. These articles should have been so simple, but they were in a […]
Since I am using writing as my main coping mechanism for my mental health and addiction issues, I have come to the conclusion that it is probably in my best interest to try to add at least one blog post daily. Blogging, and writing in general, are very […]
My Nightmarish Manic Episode By: Samantha Steiner A little over a week ago I had come out of a pretty bad depressive episode, only for me to jump right into a very bad agitated manic episode. I think I had maybe a day or two of baseline […]
Bipolar I Having this type of bipolar disorder means you have experienced at least one manic episode. The mania needed to have lasted for at least a week, or to be severe enough that hospitalisation was necessary. For about 50-60% of people with this type of the disorder, they will […]
The list below is of common early warning signs that may help you recall the changes you experience when a manic/hypomanic episode is about to occur. If you find it difficult to identify your early warning signs, you might discuss this with a trusted friend, family member, therapist or […]