It’s a gloomy, rainy Tuesday in November. The sky is completely gray, and I kind of like it that way. I am not a sunshine-loving person – most of the time. I woke up around 6:30 a.m. and was hoping to be able to catch the sunrise in order to get some beautiful pictures – even though I am not fond of the sun – but with the clouds so gray there was no sunlight shining through
Today is going to be a big day for me because I am meeting my cousin, Ashley, for the first time since she was a baby – over 20 years ago.
Baseline I have been pretty much baseline the past few days. Not really elevated, but not really depressed either. I am just existing. I suppose baseline is considered to be stable. Although, with how chaotic my mind sometimes gets, I don’t necessarily feel like the most stable woman […]
Hopelessly Bipolar My Manic Madness only lasted about three days, but that doesn’t necessarily make it any less painful. At first, I loved the manic episode I was in. I had the typical euphoric feelings commonly associated with bipolar mania. However, after the first day, it started to […]
This is a post I made back on May 30, 2017. I just started using this mood tracker – that I created – again recently. I find it so useful because you print it out and it is only one sheet of paper. I often take it to my therapy sessions to show my therapist how my moods have been. I just wanted to reshare this with everyone in case anyone is interested in trying it out. I used the link below to get it for myself so it should be working just fine.
Current Mood: Mania Madness The past two days seem like a complete blur of manic chaos. I did not sleep last night and the night before I only slept for less than three hours. It is currently after midnight and I am still wide awake and full of […]
With all the advancements that humankind has made throughout history, it is astonishing how our society still has yet to come to terms with speaking up for mental health-related concerns and topics. We still have a long way to go before we can finally bury the stigma and misconceptions regarding mental illness. I am speaking out as just one woman who has dealt with mental health issues as far back as she can remember, and as someone who has cared for those that can not always care for themselves.
I have been up and going since yesterday afternoon with only about three hours of sleep last night. I was definitely on a bit of an upswing. I was so excited yesterday when I received my manuscript edits that it triggered a bit of hypomania. For me, just being overly excited can trigger it. I welcomed it with open arms until the agitation started to creep up to the surface. However, now, I can feel the crash starting to set in – already.
As it turns out, I have developed what is known as the “Lamictal Rash.” But instead of taking me off it like my regular psychiatrist would have done, the doctor that examined me decided to lower the dose back down to just a mere 25mg. Now, 25mg was not even close enough to a therapeutic level for me. So I honestly don’t see the point in taking something that will not benefit me, and that has also caused me to get the dreaded “rare” side effect.
Birth of a New Brain by Dyane Harwood follows her harrowing journey of living with mental illness – something she thought would never happen to her. But, honestly, who does? Dyane takes you on an amazing adventure as she shares her whole life with her readers.
Today, I would like you to give a warm welcome to a special guest – and new dear friend of mine, Author Dyane Harwood. Dyane took a timeout to participate in a fun Q&A session with us for her book Birth of a New Brain–Healing From Postpartum Bipolar Disorder. I hope you enjoy reading Dyane’s answers as much as I enjoyed asking her the following questions.
In a recent post, I brought up all the resentments I have been thinking about that surround my oncoming bipolar depression. I really dislike this time of year as the sunshine disappears, the weather becomes too cold and the upcoming holidays. I do like Thanksgiving because I don’t go home for that. My husband and I started a tradition many years ago where we invite anyone that doesn’t have a place to go to have Thanksgiving with us. Last year was the first year it was just the two of us.
I honestly feel terrible right now – physically and mentally. I am so congested and it even hurts to breathe. It feels like it was not too long ago I had the summer flu that went around my area. I am absolutely miserable which always tends to bring my mood down quite a bit. But who doesn’t feel miserable when they are sick, right? I just want to take my meds, lie down, and go to sleep for the night. However, I am eagerly waiting for the edits for my book to come through my email since tonight is supposed to be the night.
Last night when I went to bed, I just had this gut feeling that I was not going to be feeling well the following day. Sure enough, I was right. I woke up feeling sick as all hell. I am a massive drama queen when I get sick. Although, I am nowhere near as bad as when a man gets sick! Sorry, fellas, but it is so true. Most guys act like they are literally dying when they just get the common cold! I feel too awake to rest, but yet feeling slightly fatigued at the same time. I didn’t know you could really have one without the other.
Often times we turn the television on and see different newscasts about our next generation and all the things that seem to be evolving and changing as we push forward. One of the major things that do not seem to evolve and change is the fact that our next generation has become more dependent on opioids and other illegal drugs. The major question that many seem to be faced with today is simply why?
It is mental health awareness day and I was asked to write about this from the parent’s point of view. I have a daughter with Bipolar 1. I’ve been dealing with this for over 20 plus years, and I’ve had to deal with this has a single parent whose child’s father was in and out of her life depending on whatever partner he was with at the time and if they allowed him in her life so most of the time he was not in her life… Please Continue Reading…
Today is World Mental Health Day 2018, and today is also my dear friend Dyane Harwood’s book’s one-year birthday. 🎂 Yes, Dyane’s memoir Birth of a New Brain–Healing From Postpartum Bipolar Disorder was published one year ago today on October 10, 2017! We have a real treat for you guys today. To celebrate her books birthday, Dyane is giving away free PDF copies of her amazing book–and I highly suggest checking it out!
Today had been a very long, hypomanic fueled day. I was very productive and got a lot accomplished. I was able to get half an article done for BG — I know half an article doesn’t sound like much, but I haven’t been writing a lot for them. So, half an article is amazing for me right now — I was also able to find 5 people to on the Lehigh Valley Mental Health Awareness Walk with me in May. I talked to countless people today because, well, being extra talkative can be a symptom of hypomania. I was pretty upbeat and kept myself busy with randomized tasks most of the day. But like always, a minor situation arose that spun me head first into an agitated bipolar state. (Continue Reading)
I know May of 2019 is still a while away, but I found out through Facebook that The 4th Annual Lehigh Valley Mental Health Awareness Walk will be on May 3, 2019, from 9am – 2pm. The Lehigh Valley is in Pennsylvania and I am looking to get a group of people together to walk for this amazing cause that I am highly supportive of. Mental Health Awareness and helping others is the whole reason behind My Bipolar Mind.
Depression Unwinds A Poem | Samantha Steiner Trying to stay positive But at times it gets tough Life just keeps giving me One blow after another How much am I honestly to take I just can’t catch a break I need to work on stopping these intrusive thoughts […]
Check out this VLog on the benefits of journaling for mental health and addiction. Plus, I added ways you can journal as well!
I am a bit disappointed to say that I did not make it to the National Suicide Prevention Foundation’s Annual Out Of The Darkness Walk. In part, it was not fully my fault. My boyfriend and I must’ve had some bad KFC yesterday because when we woke up this morning we both didn’t feel well.
Once again, I am surprised that I am still awake after taking some many different things that could probably knock an elephant out. Okay, so, maybe I am exaggerating, but you get the gist. I may try adding a little CBD oil to tonight’s medication regimen. It worked well to help me calm down earlier, so perhaps it could help me wind down for sleep as well tonight.
I guess WordPress is going to be having a new editor so I figured I would play with it and check it out. Plus, maybe writing a bit will make me feel better. I didn’t fall asleep until like 5:30 p.m. and I woke up around 11 a.m. I was in a pretty good mood to start and then part of my plans got canceled, I felt kind of bothered by social interactions, my stomach started to hurt, and the list just goes. I feel like just canceling the rest of my plans for today because I honestly don’t feel like socializing and being around others today.
Normal people are asleep right now. But as for me… I’m up like, “Yeah, let’s get productive!” I guess this may be the start of a hypomanic/manic episode. In all honesty, I don’t mind it as long as the agitation that is sometimes associated with mania doesn’t show up. I’d choose mania over a depressive episode any day!
A majority of us only keep one journal and fill it with both negatives and positives. Not many of us even consider keeping more than one journal to write in. However, there may be some positive benefits in keeping two separate journals. One to document your lows, and one to write out when you are at baseline and feeling well.
Okay, so, I am not literally counting sheep until I fall asleep, but you get the gist.
It’s not often that I find myself waking up with energy while in a great mood. So, I figured I would switch it up and make a post while my depression is suppressed for this moment in time. I want to savor this moment and place it safely in my memory – hopefully in a place where I will remember it 😀 – so that when I am feeling down I can pull this memory out and know that sometimes things are okay.
My head has been completely crazy these past few days. Yes, I know my head is a mess most of the time anyway, but it just seems to have gotten worse. Lately, I feel like I am living in a fog. It doesn’t seem like this is my real life anymore. Money’s tight but other than that things are going well. My relationship is good, I am slowly getting back into writing, although, I do believe I took on more than I can actually handle at the moment. So, the question of the day is: Why do I still feel the way I do?
I want to start by apologizing for my absence from this blog. If you read my last few posts, I was stuck in a depressive episode. But like with everything else, the sun will shine after the rain. I still have gloomy moments but, for the most part, I have been feeling a lot better these past few days. A lot of that has to do with an exciting email that I received from an intern at a publishing company.
I’m okay right now. But who’s to say how I will feel by later on tonight, or even within the next hour. But I am okay right now, and that is all that matters to me. I have been preoccupied and so consumed with being in this bipolar low that I haven’t really had a moment where I have felt okay. I am trying to enjoy it while I can. I feel like I have a moment of clarity inside of my chaotic mind for some reason. Or maybe I am just having a bit of mania breakthrough the dark clouds which are a welcomed change to feeling so low all the time.
Journaling helps but sort through a lot in my head. But when that’s not enough, I sometimes tend to turn to blogging. Creating a post for my personal blog section sometimes helps get things out in a similar way of journaling but, to me, it sometimes feels like it does so much more. So here is what’s been bogging me down internally:
Behind this smile, I find that I am slowly losing myself again. Is it depression? Is it anger? I have no idea. I have gotten so good at hiding behind a broken smile that no one else can see me slipping away again. Some moments I am fine. Then others, I am not. I have been rapid cycling because I never know when my bipolar disorder is going to betray me again. I never know when it’s going to crash me all the way down to the bottom instead of partially.
I don’t feel like functioning today | So I’ll ignore all my calls | Until they fade away to my voicemail | Which I’ll never even bother to check anyway…
My birthday has come and gone. It was on Saturday, August 4th, and I turned 32 years old. #BirthdayDrama