I had a manic episode wash over me last Tuesday (1/15/19) and I feel like I am still coming down from it. I can go from being perfectly fine to on edge in a matter of seconds.
It’s a gloomy, rainy Tuesday in November. The sky is completely gray, and I kind of like it that way. I am not a sunshine-loving person – most of the time. I woke up around 6:30 a.m. and was hoping to be able to catch the sunrise in order to get some beautiful pictures – even though I am not fond of the sun – but with the clouds so gray there was no sunlight shining through
I am on a complete rant right now! So please forgive me. I can’t help but wonder if it is only me, or if it is everyone who writes for this specific website.
Once again, I am surprised that I am still awake after taking some many different things that could probably knock an elephant out. Okay, so, maybe I am exaggerating, but you get the gist. I may try adding a little CBD oil to tonight’s medication regimen. It worked well to help me calm down earlier, so perhaps it could help me wind down for sleep as well tonight.
Christmas is a little over a week away. I still have some gift shopping to do. I am going to try my hardest to enjoy Christmas since that has always been my favorite holiday.
I really hate being Bipolar sometimes. The only two things I like about it is the creativity and the manic highs when you feel like you are on top of the world.
Between my family ditching me and then stealing my dog, the m/c, my mom putting my childhood dog down without them telling me or even asking me if I wanted to see him one last time, and everything else, I don’t want to do this anymore; I don’t know if I am strong enough to be able to do this anymore. But I guess I have to be.
I am going to try list three good things, or positive things, that happened today no matter how small it seems. I cannot expect to feel better if I don’t try to make any changes.
I am always looking at the negatives and tend to overlook the positives.
It’s like I have two sides of me; a happy side and a depressed side, and they happen to be stuck together right now. Or it’s more like good vs. bad internally.