Okay, so, I am not literally counting sheep until I fall asleep, but you get the gist.
Hey guys, If you watched the above video leave me a comment and let me know what you think? Should I start a Vlog portion of My Bipolar Mind? I have been tossing the idea around, but I am extremely self-conscious sometimes. It took a lot for me […]
It is about 12:30 am and I am slowly getting drowsy – most likely thanks to the 300mg of Trazodone that I take at night – but my mind is running a thousand miles a minute. I figured I would take this opportunity to blog a bit.
If you have relapsed after a prolonged time being abstinent from drugs or alcohol, it can feel like a failure. However, a relapse is not the worst thing in the world. Addiction is a disease for which there is no cure, only management. When you fall off the wagon, it’s just a setback that is a common part of the recovery process for many people. Resolving to recover from a relapse allows you to move on and commit to a lifestyle and choices that support your sobriety, goals and overall happiness.
It’s not often that I find myself waking up with energy while in a great mood. So, I figured I would switch it up and make a post while my depression is suppressed for this moment in time. I want to savor this moment and place it safely in my memory – hopefully in a place where I will remember it 😀 – so that when I am feeling down I can pull this memory out and know that sometimes things are okay.
My head has been completely crazy these past few days. Yes, I know my head is a mess most of the time anyway, but it just seems to have gotten worse. Lately, I feel like I am living in a fog. It doesn’t seem like this is my real life anymore. Money’s tight but other than that things are going well. My relationship is good, I am slowly getting back into writing, although, I do believe I took on more than I can actually handle at the moment. So, the question of the day is: Why do I still feel the way I do?
I apologize, once again, for being MIA, but for some reason, I have not been able to write anything – no blog posts, no articles, not one damn thing – and it is driving me absolutely insane! I am a writer and a blogger so writing is what I do. I would also like to add that I am also going to be a published author in the near future!
I want to start by apologizing for my absence from this blog. If you read my last few posts, I was stuck in a depressive episode. But like with everything else, the sun will shine after the rain. I still have gloomy moments but, for the most part, I have been feeling a lot better these past few days. A lot of that has to do with an exciting email that I received from an intern at a publishing company.
I’m okay right now. But who’s to say how I will feel by later on tonight, or even within the next hour. But I am okay right now, and that is all that matters to me. I have been preoccupied and so consumed with being in this bipolar low that I haven’t really had a moment where I have felt okay. I am trying to enjoy it while I can. I feel like I have a moment of clarity inside of my chaotic mind for some reason. Or maybe I am just having a bit of mania breakthrough the dark clouds which are a welcomed change to feeling so low all the time.
Journaling helps but sort through a lot in my head. But when that’s not enough, I sometimes tend to turn to blogging. Creating a post for my personal blog section sometimes helps get things out in a similar way of journaling but, to me, it sometimes feels like it does so much more. So here is what’s been bogging me down internally:
*Trigger Warning* | These feelings bubble to the surface again | And I can’t help but to feel | Like my razor is my only friend…
Behind this smile, I find that I am slowly losing myself again. Is it depression? Is it anger? I have no idea. I have gotten so good at hiding behind a broken smile that no one else can see me slipping away again. Some moments I am fine. Then others, I am not. I have been rapid cycling because I never know when my bipolar disorder is going to betray me again. I never know when it’s going to crash me all the way down to the bottom instead of partially.
I don’t feel like functioning today | So I’ll ignore all my calls | Until they fade away to my voicemail | Which I’ll never even bother to check anyway…
My birthday has come and gone. It was on Saturday, August 4th, and I turned 32 years old. #BirthdayDrama
Her depression is swallowing her whole
Today, I have some amazing one-minute meditations for you to try. They are even great for beginners and are so simple that anyone could try these! These will help relax your mind and body. It can also be very beneficial for stress and anxiety reduction.
But what if I give my life to go under the knife?
Gratitude ABC’s can work wonders for a variety of situations including anxiety or panic attacks, urges to use drugs or alcohol, anxiety-inducing situations, feeling low, or even as a distraction method. It is simple to do and requires only your mind and ability to think.
Addiction is linked to debt — sometimes even poverty — which can create a serious toll on the recovery survivor and, in some cases, their family. The main reason behind this unfortunate connection is that it’s likely fiscal responsibilities were put to the wayside in order to feed one’s addictive behavior. Not only does this lead to a loss of money, but a loss of relationships and jobs, too. If you’re a new recovery survivor in this position
Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash When Insomnia Says Hi A Poem | Samantha Steiner Insomnia tries to say hi As I am screaming goodbye But she keeps popping into my head Reminding me of everything I’ve ever said Every stutter and stammer As I mixed up my words She tries […]
But my blanket is too wrinkled
And something dark is beneath my bed,
I’m supposed to be getting dressed now
At least that’s what mommy said.
I never thought I could last this long
Without alcohol fueling me from inside
But today I am 11 months sober
And I’m feeling so much more alive
Photo by Nathaniel Flowers on Unsplash Forgetting The Present A Poem | Samantha Steiner Remembering the past But forgetting the present I would love to reflect and reminisce on today But today seems so far away Yesterday’s memories have already begun to fade But I can tell you what I did […]
Most people who have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder typically don’t mind the upswings – the hypomania and mania. It’s the downswings – the bipolar depression – that can really get under a person’s skin.
Why Hobbies Are Important For Children.
Its been an absolutely crazy week. I’ve been in the ER for my boyfriend a few times and once for myself as well. I have been having some major back pain again that even Kratom isn’t touching it. Either that, or I am not taking enough or not using the right strain for pain. I have been using white when I think red is for pain. Only problem is, red always puts me to sleep which I cannot do during the day.
I had gotten a message on Facebook from a young neighbor that used to live across the hall from me last night. She is only 18-years-old and she was in a lot of distress. She was telling me how horrible living was for her, and that she was planning on killing herself.
Photo by Nick Morrison on Unsplash Writing Balance Fail I want to apologize for not being able to blog often right now. I have tons of great ideas for upcoming articles, but now I have been trying to catch up on my writing for BG. Our views plummeted and I have […]
I am somewhere on this bipolar rollercoaster ride, but I am not quite sure where. I think I may be stuck in the midst of a mixed episode. I have some symptoms of mania, yet some symptoms of depression at the same time. I will go from being highly productive and wanting to get things done to being the complete opposite. I am not exactly sure how I am feeling, and because of all the this, I am pretty sure this is a mixed episode.
I must admit, I came across a bottle of this homeopathic fear and anxiety tablets from Botanic Choice not too long ago when I was Googling ‘homeopathic supplements for anxiety.’
Disclosure of Material Connection: Some links may be affiliate links. I may get make a few cents at absolutely no cost to you, ever. Money earned helps keep this site up and running. All opinions are my own. Thank you for understanding. L-Theanine: Does It Really Help With […]
An awesome Giveaway from NotYourAverageChick.com | Check It Out! Samantha 😍
Photo by Ryan Whitlow on Unsplash What It Feels Like To Have A Panic Attack Panic attacks can feel incredibly different for everyone, yet very similar at the same time. They can be very scary, especially during your first experience dealing with one. I know the first time I had my […]
There are so many reasons why we should love ourselves. You are the only you that you have, and more often than not, the only person you can really rely on 100 percent is yourself.
I was able to catch the sunrise this morning. It was strikingly beautiful. I am color blind so this may not be an accurate description of the sky, but it looked almost golden to me. It was simply breathtaking.