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Late Night Thoughts: April 18, 2023

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

It is currently a little after 9:45pm. I should have gone to bed hours ago since I have to get up at 3:22 in the very early morning hours to start waking up, getting dressed, and getting ready to leave for work to make it there by 4:30am. Getting up that early has gotten increasingly harder to do over the past two months, even when I go to bed by 6:30 – 7pm. But my mind is all over the place tonight. I’m waiting for the medications I just took 30-35 minutes ago to start kicking in so that I can fall asleep much easier and faster than without the meds.

I have seriously have been forgetting to say my three daily affirmations everyday (I am happy, I am beautiful, and I am loved) that I started saying (like I mentioned in my previous personal post) a few months ago when my bestie asked me to start saying the same affirmations she started out saying (since it really helped improve her life) over the last two weeks or so. I still say the affirmations sometimes when the thought crosses my mind. ::shrugs::

I don’t want to give up on saying affirmations every single day, but there is always so much on my mind from the time I get up, until the time I go to bed at night that I just forget. It’s crazy to realize that at 36 years old, I had no idea what having any self-esteem even felt like, and now that I have had a taste of what self-esteem actually is; I want more of it.

I’m not saying that I am 100 percent better, cured, and now finally love all of myself fully. Lets just say that I don’t always hate myself all the time now. And, for me, that’s a step in the right direction.

It’s already after 10:30pm. This is crazy. I am still waiting for my meds to kick in. Plus, I just smoked a bowl of medical marijuana like 20 minutes ago. I should be knocked out right now. I am going to end up with less than 4 hours of sleep before my alarm goes off in the middle of the night to get up for work.

I’ve got a long, busy day tomorrow too. I have two new hires starting, a 12pm interview for someone who wants the assistant manager position, my district manager is most likely going to stop by, I have a large order coming in tomorrow, I am by myself until 11am, and I work 4:30a-4p. By the time I get out of work tomorrow, I am going to want to do nothing more than go right to sleep by the time I get home.

Well, since it’s 10:45pm, I better go lay down even if I am not tired yet. Have a good night everyone, sleep tight!

Samantha View All

Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog

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