Image via Pixabay.com
After staying up all night blogging about how my insomnia was triggering my anxiety in the wee hours of the morning, I feel like I’m just ready to crash and be lazy for the rest of the day. Only thing is, I still have about 2.5 hours of work left so being fully lazy isn’t an option for me at this moment.
My anxiety was horrifying this morning as I was trying to get myself together enough to get ready for work. It started to fade enough to the point where I didn’t feel like I was going to have a melt-down at the first distressing moment that happened at work any longer, but it’s gradually creeping back in there and the anxiety is making me feel incredibly uneasy.
I don’t want to jinx myself since I still have more than 2 hours left of my shift, but today has worked out to my advantage so far since my boss has been out of the office all morning and I am not sure when to expect him back so I have just been taking it easy and doing the bare minimum.
I warned my boss when he first came in that I’m completely exhausted and didn’t get any sleep last night but I couldn’t quite make out his response. Something about not being able to sleep being common it sounded like, but I am not sure.
When did I become old enough to not be able to function the day after a sleepless night? I used to go a few days at a shot without getting any real sleep and I was still able to function and feel normal enough to the point where losing sleep didn’t really affect me too negatively.
I can’t lie, I feel and look like a hot mess at work today. I just threw on a hoodie and black leggings and barely even brushed my hair. I didn’t even bother brushing my teeth this morning. I was running around getting ready for work this morning in a daze and even just walking around my limbs felt like they were made of tons of concrete. I just do not have any physical energy today and what I have left of my mental energy is fading fast. I don’t even have the proper thought processing abilities to try to attempt reading and studying for my Certified Investigator training that starts on March 15th for work.
I started reading and studying the CI manual yesterday for this training on the 15th because I really want to learn and be able to comprehend the material so that I can pass the two week training course because it could possibly lead to even more professional opportunities in the future. A certified investigator can make up to like $500 per investigation of reportable incidents that need a CI to investigate for human service companies. I would even be able to advertise my services online or on things like Craigslist to find new potential clients. So I’m pretty excited about this course.
I really wish I had some of my anti-anxiety meds with me because I could sure use something to help ease the anxiety, nervousness, and uncomfortability that I am trying to cope with, but trying to cope with this much anxiety at work is challenging to say the least.
As soon as I get home from work today, the first thing I plan on doing is utilizing my medical Marijuana to kick this anxiety to the curb. I wish I could of used some before work but I don’t use Marijuana before or during my work shift. But once I get home, it’s fair game.
I just have to suffer through these feelings for two more hours and then I’m home free.
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.