Christmas Eve was rough for me. I couldn’t find my normal Christmas cheer that usually surges through my veins almost every year. But I woke up Christmas morning with such happiness and excitement.
I opened some presents from my boyfriend. I did feel bad because my boyfriend had no gifts to open from me because I had given him ALL his gifts the day I bought them. I vow to make next year different and actually wrap his gifts so he has presents to open on Christmas morning.
We went to my moms house to exchange gifts and spend time together before we had our amazing Christmas dinner that my mom made. She made a roast (which was incredibly tender and yummy), ham, homemade mashed potatoes, gravy, and a bunch of other things. She even made cheesecake and these amazingly sweet York Peppermint Patty cupcakes that required to be frozen that were to die for.
Around 3:30 pm, we went to my in-laws house to celebrate Christmas with my boyfriends mom and dad. They usually throw a big party Christmas day but because of the pandemic it was just us. We opened our gifts and took a bunch of awesome pics (which I am still waiting for copies of).
Then, we went back to my moms to eat more and see my one brother and his partner since they weren’t there earlier. I kept falling asleep though since I didn’t sleep too well the night before. I even had to take my extra Seroquel to help me go back to sleep since I woke up at 1 am wide awake and hungry for some reason. The Seroquel did make me groggy all day though, so I kind of regretted taking it.
I was so happy that my Christmas cheer returned to me. I was doubtful that some sleep would have made all the difference since I didn’t get any sleep the day before Christmas Eve.
On another note…
The post I wrote on Christmas Eve… “Where is My Normal Christmas Cheer?” that had gotten a comment that was talking about how I was minimizing other women’s pain after a pregnancy loss since I said this:
“And the friends I do have who have suffered through a miscarriage wouldn’t fully be able to comprehend the loss I went through since they already had other children. I get that any pregnancy loss is hard, but when you already have children who love you and that you love more than life itself it’s not the same as someone who struggled their whole life to try to become a mom that doesn’t have any children when that’s all they’ve ever wanted from life. They are two very different types of pain and loss.”
I was not minimizing other women’s pain. I clearly stated that, “They are two very different types of pain and loss.” Which means that I was still saying they have pain but it is different from how me and other women like me feel. Keyword: Different.
I am sorry to the person or people who felt like I was minimizing their pain. But if that’s how they took it, there is nothing I can do about that. But this person read into my words wrong. I deleted the comment. This person minimized MY pain and didn’t like that I was venting MY TRUTH and MY STORY.
This blog is my safe space and I like to talk about how I am feeling and what is going on in my life. To be honest, if anyone doesn’t like what I am saying you don’t have to read what I write. It’s that simple. But the fact is that there are many, many different people who relate to the things I say.
So, this person basically was being hypocritical since they claimed I was minimizing others pain and they minimized the pain of women who are childless and want to be a mom more than anything but can’t. Pain is pain. Loss is loss. But pain is felt differently for different things.by different people. THAT Is what I was trying to say.
I hope that everyone who celebrated Christmas had an amazing day. I hope that everyone has a safe and Happy New Year!
Thanks for reading,
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.