Mother’s Day Blues
Mother’s Day is officially over with but it has been a very emotional day for me. I was able to wish my mom and a Happy Mother’s Day, but I hid my own feelings most of the day.
I watched some Netflix to keep myself preoccupied today, but once the sun went down and everyone else was in bed I started to break down.
Today was 3 months and 8 days since my ectopic pregnancy surgery to remove my right Fallopian tube that ruptured along with my baby.
Today, I just want to be with my Angel babies. It was Mother’s Day, and I was supposed to be a mom, but that dream was taken from me. I am so heartbroken tonight. It’s after 2 in the morning and I have pretty much been crying since 9 p.m. I have tried so hard to hide my feelings from my loved ones and I only expressed what was going on to a select few.
I had a little candle light vigil for my lost babies tonight. Along with the candles I had this little teddy bear that I made from a rash rag sitting next to them. One day, I will be with my babies again. But as much as I want it to be, in a way, tonight is not the night that I will be with them again. I still have some life left to live.
I am pretty damn depressed tonight, but I know that it is a just the fact that it was Mother’s Day, and that tomorrow is a new day. I am not sure if I am this depressed because I am coming out of a manic episode or because if how I am feeling is totally situational; or a combination of the two. Either way, my heart is heavy.
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.