Happy Mother’s Day to All the Moms Out There (Including Moms of Angel Babies)
I would like to wish all the moms out there a Happy Mother’s Day! This includes all the moms who, like me, weren’t lucky enough to be able to being their little one in to this world for whatever reason; all the moms who either miscarried, had an ectopic pregnancy, gave birth to stillborn, and who had to terminate their pregnancy for selfless reasons.
Mother’s Day can be challenging for so many women who are like me and want nothing more than to experience carrying a baby to term, giving birth, and then showering that miracle baby with love until your last breath. Too often the mama’s to angel babies get left out just because their child did not get take their first breath of air and receive a birth certificate. But if you have ever been pregnant, no matter for how brief a time, and felt a pure love for your unborn baby that you sadly lost, then you deserve to be called a mother too.
I have lost two pregnancies. The first loss was in 2011 and, yes, it made me sad, but losing the second baby on February 2, 2020, to an ectopic pregnancy crushed me unlike anything else. All I have ever truly wanted since before I was old enough to drive was to be a mom one day. And here I am, at 33, and I don’t know if that will ever happen.
I have a few friends who can relate to how I feel for their own reasons. To us, it just doesn’t seem fair that the women who are horrible moms end up with tons of babies but the women who really want to be a mom more than anything keep having their hopes and dreams crushed with every period and negative pregnancy test. But that’s how it goes, I guess. Nothing in life is fair and you don’t always get what you want and desire.
I hate when my friends, who have kids, tell me that it’s nothing special and that I am not missing out on anything. It is so easy for them to say insensitive things like this when they get to enjoy the ups and downs of motherhood regardless of whether or not their pregnancy was planned. If it’s nothing special why are you all posting pictures on social media of every milestone your children reach and of when they do something that is just so adorable you feel the need to share it with the world? If it’s not that worthwhile then why are so many people that I know on their second, third, or even fifth baby? I never said that I thought being a mom would be easy, but I believe it is something that would be worth it.
So, to all the moms out there who are grieving this Mother’s Day because they can’t hold their baby tight like other moms can… just know that you are not alone in this struggle. If the loss you have suffered is hitting you hard today and you are looking for ways to cope, you can try writing a letter to the child that you lost letting him or her know how much you cared about them and loved them, and still love them. You can light some candles and say a little prayer. You can try journaling or whatever it takes to get your built-up emotions out. I know that I am going to have to try utilizing some of my coping skills today too. Most of all, if you have an angel baby and you need someone to talk to who understands the loss you have gone through feel free to contact me @ ContactMyBipolarMind@Gmail.com.
Now, that I have had my little Mother’s Day venting sob session, I can move forward and wish my own mom a very Happy Mother’s Day!
I love you to the moon and back, Mama! Thanks for being my mom. I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else in the world. I love you! And thank you for coming back into my life despite all the pain and hurt that I have put you through throughout the years. You truly deserve a medal of honor for putting up with my bullshit. I know it hasn’t been easy raising four kids on your own and that you did the best you could with the cards that you were dealt. But regardless, you still did an excellent job! I know I don’t tell you that often enough. Plus, 3 out 4 of your children turned out normal! Woohoo, you! Putting up with a daughter who has a handful of mental health disorders and more mood swings then Sybil does personalities, should have taken an army of moms to raise but you managed to do it by yourself while still caring for three other children!
So, Mom, thank you and I really do hope you have a very wonderful Mom’s Day! Love ya!
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.