Wide Awake And In Pain
This post won’t be very long since I have to type it on my phone using my left hand (my non-dominant hand) since I had surgery on my (dominant) right hand on Tuesday, February 11th, 2020.
I had accidentally cut my right pinky really bad on January 25th. I had to have 9-1-1 called because I was bleeding really bad and could not stop the gushing.
I was taken to the closest ER and got 6 or 7 stitches. Afterwards, I could no longer bend my pinky. I was really hoping that it was because of the stitches but when I had them removed on February 5th I found out that was not the case. I still couldn’t bend my pinky.
That same day I met with a hand surgeon and learned that I cut a tendon or two and half a nerve. I was told that I should’ve seen the surgeon sooner and that I needed surgery asap before they could no longer repair the damage.
It’s been really challenging just using only my left hand. I can’t even journal right now when I really want to. It’s hard as hell to write with my left hand; it looks like something a 1st grader would write.
I need help doing just about everything; showering, cooking, zipping up jackets, opening up my meds… just everything. I hate it.
I feel so bad that people have to help take care of me. I feel like I have no independence anymore and it’s really dragging me down. I am always bored and usually in so much pain still. TV and music get boring after a while. I rarely used my left hand to text so sending messages gets challenging and really annoying after a while.
I even had to cut my long hair because I couldn’t manage it with just my left hand. I mean I like it and all but I do kinda miss my long hair.
My mom has been so helpful but I feel bad because I know she has a lot going on herself. I feel like a total burden to everyone around me right now.
I get my stitches out on February 27th, 2020. I am hoping that by then a majority of the pain subsides. I am looking forward to getting them removed but not the pain that goes along with the suture removal. It hurt like hell getting the first set of stitches removed.
I just want to be able to do things on my own again. I hate asking for help all the time. But at least my pinky can bend again somewhat but I know the stitches stop some of the flexibility.
Well, this is all I can handle typing right now… Have a good night guys and gals!
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.