Why Am I Still Awake? Insomnia!

Realizations & Resentments

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Instead of sleeping after my typing break, I ended up journaling for like three hours straight. Who knew that I had so much to say? I sure as hell didn’t! The longer I journaled, the more I got out, and the sadder I started to feel. I came to the harsh realization that, if I’m incredibly honest, I don’t know who I am anymore or even where I belong or fit in. I also realized that I’m still harboring a few resentments that I thought I let go of. Then again, just because a person allows specific issues to fade, unless they talk about what was bothering them, the resentment will truly never go away because it’s only been swept under the rug for the time being instead of actually being dealt with. 🤔

The gist of one of my main resentments that I was referring to has to do with a friendship where I feel like, in the end, I was used and tossed away like a piece of garbage without any reason or warning. I feel like I let this friend see all of me, vulnerabilities and all, and when she was done with her conquest or whatever that the issue at hand was never to be brought up again like some unspoken vow that left me crushed. I was taken by storm and caught off guard. By the end of it all, at least she’s happy, right? I’m just left stuck with emotions that I don’t know how to deal with and have no one to really confide in regarding this whole situation that I thought I was over. I know this explanation is pretty vague, but even though I got burned I still want to protect her. 😢🤐


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Categories: Our Personal Blog, Samantha Steiner, Samantha's Personal Blog

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