Yuck, Strawberry Shortcakes

By: Kristine Colley

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I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It’s so frustrating, unpredictable, and can be very scary. Not ever knowing when something will trigger it. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition of persistent mental and emotional stress due to psychological shock. Trauma can come from many of things but many come from traumatic events.

A lot of my trauma started off early childhood. I was sexually and physically abused. To this day, I will not eat strawberry shortcakes because that is what my Uncle would try to give me right before he would sexually abuse me. I felt alone, I felt I couldn’t tell anyone because I felt my parents would be mad at me for causing a problem. I did not know how to deal with it and still struggle to this day with it. With not telling anyone, I did not receive any kind of therapy until the fourth grade. Dealing with it without guidance, I never got any closure on what happened to me as a child. It messed me up mentally and emotionally. It was a problem I had to live with internally that I couldn’t solve.

Now, as I am older and as the years have gone by, many of situations trigger my PTSD. One second I am totally fine. Someone or something can get on the subject along the lines of what happened to me. Even a movie can set it off. I have panic attacks that are hard to control. I tend to blank out, where I can’t remember what I was saying or what I was doing at that moment. I’m extremely angry or sad and I react. I tend to kick in my sleep and also jerk as if I am trying to get someone off of me. It’s something I can’t control. I cry, get extremely emotional, outrage and have to leave public places and family get-togethers because of being triggered. It’s embarrassing for myself to have my family or friends accommodate what they say or do just to not upset me. It’s very frustrating because I wish I could stop it but I can’t.

Due to these traumatic events throughout my life, I learned to not take anything for granted. It truly made me who I am today. I wouldn’t be the courageous, brave, strong-willed woman I am if it wasn’t for going through what built me. I am proud of who I am and what made me the Kristine I am today.

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About the Author:

Kristine Colley was born in Stockton, California and raised in Rock Hill, SC. She currently resides in Rock Hill with her fiancé and two daughters. These are her true inspiration. Kristine began writing at an early age as a hobby and it quickly turned into a passion. She writes as an outlet of her emotions and her day to day life. Kristine lives with Bipolar Disorder and Depression and enjoys writing to help others dealing with those struggles.  Her goal is to become an advocate for others who are struggling with these battles. Her hope is that when reading her work it brings as much peace and tranquility to the readers as it did for her while writing.

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