Loving Yourself Regardless of Your Relationship Status
By: Samantha & Nicole C
Welcome back to the 2019 Selfie Love Challenge hosted by myself here at My Bipolar Mind and the lovely Kelly over at Budding Joy. Be sure to check out Kelly’s blog and follow her to stay up to date on the #SelfieLove2019 Challenge. Also, if you are not a follower of My Bipolar Mind, please be sure to follow us as well! Today is Saturday, February 23, 2019. It is never too late to jump into this self-love/self-care challenge. If you haven’t been following along or just came across this challenge now, you can CLICK HERE for more information on how it works and to learn about our giveaway! (Giveaway?! Yes, I said giveaway!!)
Many people in this world struggle with self-love issues. We shouldn’t need to be in a relationship to feel loved and appreciated because we should be able to love ourselves. Easier said than done, right? For many of us, we have most likely heard some negative things about ourselves from toxic people that perhaps got ingrained deep inside of our minds. Some people can be incredibly cruel for no reason at all. We all need to learn how to let go of those negative remarks that we hear so that we can focus more on the positive ones. We should be learning to love, accept, and respect ourselves as we are; flaws and all.
Regardless if we are in a relationship or not shouldn’t dictate how we feel about ourselves. At the end of the day, we are truly the only person we can rely on 100 percent of the time. People come into our lives and sometimes leave well before we are even ready to let them go. But we will always have ourselves.
Loving Yourself While in a Relationship
Some people tend to feel like they lose themselves in relationships and will often put their partner’s wants and needs before their own. While there is nothing wrong with loving someone and being loved in return, sometimes we do need to be a bit selfish at times and put ourselves first. In healthy relationships, both partners should still have their own sense of identity. Both partners should also understand the importance of spending quality time together as well as making time for some genuine “me time.”
If you are in a relationship and are having a hard time finding love for yourself, there is a possibility that you could feel worse than most during fights or disagreements with your partner. Think about it; if you don’t love yourself and if your partner were to make you feel small or like they no longer love you, you may start to feel unlovable. If your partner says something negative about you, because you already feel poorly about yourself, you may believe every lie that slips out of his or her mouth. When you do not value yourself and see your own worth, how do you expect others to?
It is easy to love others unconditionally but when it comes to ourselves, we are much more critical because of things like self-doubt and the negative stuff that others weigh us down with. It can also be challenging because of life itself and how society has programmed us to be perfect and “normal” while still excelling in a job that we may loathe. Being more accepting of oneself allows us to break free from society’s perceptions of what we should or shouldn’t be.
Tips On How To Practice Self-Love In a Relationship
- Realizing your limitations and not being hard on yourself if you realize there is something that you are not able to do.
- Taking at least 20 minutes a day to yourself to do something that you like by yourself.
- Never allow your partner to control your moods or actions. You are responsible for yourself.
- Find something that you believe in whether it be a Higher Power, aliens, or your ancestors.
- Keep in mind that your partner is only a human being. They are not perfect, you are not perfect. When things go south for your own wrong-doings remember to apologize and hold no grudges or regrets. If its something that is very serious, and you honestly cannot see yourself ever letting go of something your partner did, perhaps it’s time to move on.
- Remember to make time for other friends and family.
- Practice saying daily affirmations, you can even talk to yourself in the mirror while telling yourself that you are worthy, important, and loved.
- Find something that you love to do that you feel you are good at and turn it into a cherished hobby.
- Build a place where you feel safe in your home and create a she-cave or a man-cave. It doesn’t even matter if it is in the corner of your bedroom or in your walk-in closet! It can be a place for you to meditate, get dolled up, play video games, or whatever else you like to do that makes you feel good and at peace! (My little happy place happens to be in a walk-in closet that my significant other turned into a makeup room for me!)
- Learn to let go of bad feelings from the past and old emotional baggage.
Loving Yourself While Being Solo
There are so many reasons as to why we should learn to practice self-love, even when we aren’t in a relationship. Actually, it may even be the best time to learn how to practice self-love since we are focusing on our wants and needs more than ever. You should never feel like you are unloved or even unlovable just because you are not in a relationship. Sadly, I have come across so many people who have felt that way. I have even been guilty of feeling that way in the past – most of us have. Find ways to make yourself happy and independent. But do not isolate yourself either. There are ways to be alone without feeling alone. Being alone, you can still be content to be within your own company while still feeling happy. Feeling alone is a different story; it’s loneliness. One does not need to be in a relationship to feel self-worth.
Part of self-love is also making sure that you are meeting your self-care needs as well. Loving yourself and mental health can also go hand-in-hand. Do not feel you are being selfish for taking care of your own needs first. You cannot fully be there for others if you are not there for yourself first.
Tips On Practicing Self-Love While Not in a Relationship
Tip #1 – One thing to always keep in mind when we are solo is that too much time alone can almost seem addicting. However, it is self-detrimental. Always try to make time to spend with the people that you care about the most.
Tip #2 – Do not let yourself be idle for too long. Stay busy if you live alone and do not work since the idle time can make you depressed and really play on your mental health in a negative way.
Tip #3 – Watch out for toxic people who want to sabotage you. Some people are jealous of others who are good on their own
Tip #4 – Do not let people make you feel unlovable because you are single, unmarried, or without kids. Remember it is your choice to be in a relationship or not. When it comes to kids, that is a choice that sometimes is made by fate and out of one’s control or a personal choice.
Tip #5 – Take at least 20 minutes out of your day, every day, to do something that makes you happy. It can be reading that new book, blogging, painting, or anything else you enjoy.
Tip #6 – If you live alone and don’t really work much, try to do things in 30-minute intervals to help make a daily to-do list and stick to it. Set housework times and days; yard work, laundry days, etc… Most importantly do not beat yourself up if you slide a little. It is ok to procrastinate, just do not let things build up and get out of hand. When they do, they can cause stress and become overwhelming.
Tip #7 – If you were used to always going out with others when you would do your running around or going out to eat, start practicing going out alone. At first, this will be overwhelming so start with small short trips close to home. Then build up in time and distances as you go. This will help you learn how to be comfortable in your own company.
Tip #8 – Build good, healthy habits. Watch out for addictions (drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc…) because these can sabotage everything that you have worked so hard to gain. Some people find that loneliness turns them toward things they usually would never do to try to fill some kind of void that may have been avoided by learning to love yourself and being comfortable in your own skin.
Tip #9 – Do not ever let yourself become a shut-in. Make sure that you get outside even if that means walking around the block or gardening when the weather is nice. Always be sure to get some sunshine! Plus, being in the sunlight can help put you in a better mood as well!
Tip #10 – Don’t be afraid to challenge yourself. Take risks, travel alone, do something you have never done before, try something you always wanted to try; bungee jump, go back to school, take up a dance class! Just make sure that you have some fun!
Single or Taken
A lot of the tips that we shared on loving yourself are interchangeable regardless of being single or taken. There is never a reason you shouldn’t practice self-love. Get to know yourself so that you can be the best you that you can be and learn to love yourself and others unconditionally. It’s never really a good idea to put the pressure on others for love. You should never have to chase after love either. When you learn that you are worthy of love and respect, you will never have to look toward others to feel validated again.
Have you entered the giveaway yet? If not, be sure to do so by clicking HERE. It will redirect you to the Rafflecoptor where you can enter the giveaway! Good luck! #SelfieLove2019
Check out all the #SelfieLove2019 Challenge Posts from My Bipolar Mind & Budding Joy Below!
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.