Happy New Year! 2019… Here I Come!
I would like to wish everyone a safe and happy new year! I wish each and every one of you guys and gals Peace, Love, and lots of Happiness in 2019.
The surprise release of my book, My Bipolar Mind: You’re not alone was an amazing way to start off my 2019 just days before it even began. I have been feeling kind of emotional since my book was released. I am so worried about what everyone is going to think of me and my book. I have so much personal information about me and my loved ones inside those pages.
I feel horrible because when that was written I had no contact with anyone in my family except for my dad and one sister and I wrote some pretty nasty stuff in there. It was just how I was feeling at the time. I am carrying this tremendous amount of guilt for throwing people under the bus the way I did. But it was honestly how I was feeling. The people involved that I have talked to said that they understand, but that still doesn’t make this feeling of guilt go away.
Is it normal to feel like this after writing a memoir style book? I would love to reread my book now that it is published, but I am pretty scared of opening up those wounds again.
Today is a day that I really miss being able to drink too. I have been trying to remain positive all day, but I have had the entire day to be stuck inside my head. I don’t want to tell anyone how I am feeling either. I feel like I should be feeling nothing but pure happiness because my book is out.
I did not anticipate feeling like this on New Year’s Day. I thought I was going to be all happy and smiles because things are going great. I really should have gone to the therapy appointment that I bailed on, on New Year’s Eve. I woke up late and I didn’t bother calling my therapist. Although, maybe I subconsciously bailed because I didn’t want to get a lecture about my lack of attendance at AA meetings.
Even though I am feeling like this right now, I am actively trying to keep in mind that I will get over this low episode because I always do.
Thanks for reading! Happy New Year!