Too Good To Be True
Chtistmas was really good for the first time in a while. I enjoyed the whole day, until about 10pm. My laptop had this blue screen pop up that had a “:(” on it and it said something ablout an error and that it would restart. Well, it never restarted and my laptop is now dead with everything that I had on it.
I am writing this post on my phone, so please forgive any spelling or grammatical errors. I am so sad about my laptop. I actually started crying and once again, I lost everything including pictures that I can never get back. All the stuff for the My Bipolar Mind book was on there. Hopefully, I still have everything saved in an email somewhere for the book.
I am not sure when I am going to get another one either. It could be today, tomorrow, next week. I have no idea. I am at the mercy of others since I cannot afford to buy myself another one any time soon. As a writer, the loss of my laptop is devastating to me.
I dont know what to do with myself today. I isolate a lot, my laptop is part of my world. Now, I have to tell my BG editor that I’m going to be delayed even longer. This really sucks. I knew Christmas was too good to be true. Something bad always happens to me.
I get it, its just an object that can be replaced. But I use my laptop more than the average person. I feel like my entire life was on there. I hate doing posts from my phone because it just doesn’t have the same feel and I can’t do as much. Ugh. FML.
I just want to go back to bed and curl up under the blankets and disappear today. I also got my denial letter from disability so I have to try to appeal it and find a lawyer. I have no motivation to do anything right now.
Sometimes it’s the tiniest of things that can send me spinning downward. I feel like maybe I’m not meant to be fully happy. Yesterday was almost perfect. Even my dental pain didn’t have me feeling too down. Now, I am feeling pretty low and I am stuck in my own head and it was a stupid laptop that started this spiral.
Thanks for allowing me to vent. Until next time…
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.