20 Years of Friendship, All Night Convos & More

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It is currently a little after 8:30 in the morning and the bestie, Jazmine, and I have been hanging out all night and just talking about anything and everything under the sun. She was supposed to go to work today but instead is taking a much needed day off. It’s been a long time since we last stayed up all night together just talking. I wouldn’t have it any other way, though.

As of September 2018, we have been best friends for 20 years!

We met in 6th grade when I was 12-years-old and she was just 11. I am the Godmother to all four of her kids. I love them all to the moon and back. Our friendship is not perfect, and it has been put to the test throughout the years, and I feel like each time we come out closer than ever. Forget blood, this girl is my sister. She has been there for me at my best and stayed with me through my worst. 2018 has not been kind to either of us, but despite everything else, we had each other’s backs through it all.

Personally, I would rather have one real friend than 10 fake friends.

We have had our outs where we really didn’t talk to one another, but at the end of it all we still end up finding each other again each and every time. Then, when would start talking again it was as if nothing ever happened to disrupt our friendship in the first place. 20 years of friendship is hard to come by, especially for people who have left high school well before graduating.  

Jaz is currently in the process of making some major lifestyle changes – which she’ll blog about when she is ready – and I hope she knows that I will support her decisions regardless of what she does because she is my best friend, and that is honestly how it should be. She was one of the few people to support me and be there for me when I got back with my boyfriend last year. She was one of the few people to tell me that she would still love me regardless of what I decide to do in my life. That is pure unconditional love, and it really does work both ways with us.

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I am so thrilled that Jazmine seems to have come out of her depression. There was something in her life making her unhappy and she is finally reaching toward happiness. I just wish we could be on the happiness train together. As I mentioned in my last post (Click Here to view it), I have everything to be happy for, but in the back of my mind, I know that what goes up, must come down. Something is still “off” with me internally. I know that at any given moment, I could crash into yet another depression and it scares me. 

My book is moving along smoothly, but I am starting to second guess myself and I am so worried about who I am going to offend this time. The My Bipolar Mind book is my truth. It’s how I felt at the time, and I understand that but I am really starting to feel anxious about this. It seems like with each passing day the anxiety and the fear grow stronger. I am just trying to ride these feelings out, but it is so damn hard.

I learned today, well yesterday, that my one brother took me off of Facebook. I can’t lie, it stung a bit. But damn, say something to me. Say something to my face. Tell me why you hate me so much besides what happened last summer. The same can be said to my one sister too who won’t say a word to me either. Let’s be real for a moment. Even though my mom and another brother will talk to me now and at least ask how I am doing, those two still won’t bother with me. I guess it’s troubling me again because of the holidays coming up. I mean, Thanksgiving is three days away.

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Despite everything, I intend to have a great Thanksgiving with the man I love. My mom was very nice and gave us a turkey, we went out and bought everything else. I, personally, have never attempted to make a turkey before, but Mike said that he would teach me. Then, maybe, Jazmine and my goddaughter might stop by later on in the day too. Jazmine and I had talked about how we used to spend holidays together, I really hope that I can see her and Ally this Thanksgiving. Although, after my comment about setting the turkey on the seat of the car and flipping on the heated seats to thaw out the bird may stop them from actually eating anything we make haha. (Yes, I was joking!)

Thanks for reading! Until next time…

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