Exciting Things, But Still Feeling Off…
I apologize for not writing the past few days, but I honestly have not felt like writing much. I have started so many different posts but then later trashed them for numerous reasons. I am still working on the same article I was about a week or so ago. These shortened days are really getting to me because I feel drained all the time now. The past five days I have been in bed well before 9 p.m. which really isn’t normal for me. But once it starts getting dark outside, which is at like 4:30 p.m., I become incredibly exhausted.
I do have some good news! We have just reached over 300 followers! That is simply amazing to me. As I have mentioned before, I never expected to have one person follow My Bipolar Mind. Now, there are 302! I would like to thank you all for following this blog! It is greatly appreciated!
I have some more good news…
After breaking down during my last therapy session regarding the PA that made me feel hopelessly bipolar, I was able to see my own psychiatrist, Dr. Martin, yesterday. She said it may not always be feasible for me to see just her but they are going to try their hardest to make it so that I don’t have to deal with the PA anymore. Dr. Marin said that I am not a hopeless case and that there are plenty of different medications I can try. So she is putting me on Tegretol. I just can’t technically start it until I am done with my antibiotics for my toothache/infection because there are interactions between the Tegretol and Clindamycin.
Plus, she said I have to get blood work done with this new medication. I have to get my first blood draw done roughly two weeks after starting it and sometime before my next appointment with Dr. Martin which is on 12/19/18.
Dr. Martin did have a good point when I told her how the PA made me feel hopeless and I kept saying that I no longer see the point in taking meds because according to the PA, “nothing’s going to help.”She said that the Ritalin is helping with my concentration, the Buspar is helping with my anxiety, and the Trazodone is helping with my sleep. Now, we just have to find something to stabilize my moods. I suppose my meds are helping quite a bit. I was just feeling really low at the time because of how the PA was treating me.
I mentioned that I was on antibiotics for my tooth, and after seeing the dentist on Monday I have to go to an oral surgeon to get evaluated for a tooth extraction of two teeth on the upper right-hand side – number 2 & 3. It hurts like hell and my appointment with the oral surgeon isn’t until November 30th. In the meantime, I am trying to manage my pain with ibuprofen.
I have some more exciting news! I was officially assigned a cover designer for my book! I gave her a suggestion and the designer said it was “too much,” so I am currently looking for more ideas. My original idea was to picture a woman who was underwater or floating since I often describe depression as feeling like you’re drowning and you just can’t catch a breath of fresh air no matter how hard you try. I suppose I can see how it’s too much… I sent over close to 10 new pictures afterward to see if maybe going a different route will work better.
With all of this good news and excitement, I still don’t feel quite right. Something still feels off for me. I don’t know how to explain it for once. I should be thrilled; I don’t have to see the PA anymore, I’m starting a new medication, my best friend is happier than ever, I am now on the cover design part of my book. I just don’t get it. Everything is going so well. I guess mental illness is tricky like that. I am trying not to let this “off” feeling bring me down. It almost feels like a storm is brewing internally. I am hoping that I start to feel a little better once I start the Tegretol.
Thanks for reading!
Until Next Time…
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.