Feeling The Crash

Feeling The Crash


I have been up and going since yesterday afternoon with only about three hours of sleep last night. I was definitely on a bit of an upswing. I was so excited yesterday when I received my manuscript edits that it triggered a bit of hypomania. For me, just being overly excited can trigger it. I welcomed it with open arms until the agitation started to creep up to the surface. However, now, I can feel the crash starting to set in – already.

I was considerably productive from yesterday sometime up to about two hours ago. I read over all of the edits for my MS (manuscript) and approved the changes. Afterward, I reread it again to make sure that everything was right and sent it back this morning. I replied to the comments I had on my blog and social media, I returned emails, I applied to some supplemental writing jobs, and a few other odds and ends. At least I can say that I was able to get a lot accomplished before this unfavorable crash hit.

I officially stopped taking my Lamictal yesterday, and I am glad I did. Now I have to explain to my psychiatrist’s office tomorrow why I stopped it on my own. This should be fun! I am still feeling under the weather today. I feel like this chest cold or whatever is never going to go away! I am hoping that stopping the Lamictal helps speed up my recovery. I have such a massive headache from coughing all the time, and nothing seems to help at this point. Today marks day 7 of this pesky cold and there are no signs of it letting up either.

I have two overdue BG articles that I have yet to get to. I am slightly wishing that I would have put a little more focus into completing them last week – or even today while I had the energy. To be honest, I never knew my hypomania could emerge while I am not feeling well. It was nice, for the most part, while it lasted. I actually want my hypomanic episode to come back so I can get more accomplished. All I feel like doing right now is taking a nap. Even unwell, a nap at this time would be a bad idea (it is about 7:30 p.m.) because I would end up waking up between 1 – 3 a.m. and get stuck lying in bed and aimlessly looking at the ceiling for hours on end. 

____________________

I cannot even begin to define how ecstatic I am to have gotten those edits back. It finally feels real to me. Like, this is really happening. I am going to be a published author! I have dreamed about being an author for longer than I can even remember. Basically, since I started writing stories in elementary school. And all of these opportunities stemmed from My Bipolar Mind. My blog. My baby. I feel so blessed to have this chance of a lifetime.

This nervous feeling has also been triggered in the pit of my stomach and it is filled with, “What If’s.” What if no one buys my book? What if no one likes it and it becomes the most hated book on earth? What will my friends, family, and people who know me in real life think? What will they say? What if I offended someone by getting this published? What will people think of me? It just goes on indefinitely. I want these intrusive thoughts to stop right in their tracks, but I can’t seem to figure out how to do that. My anxiety is just skyrocketing because of this. 

Well, I suppose I should get back to work on my BG articles. Thanks for reading! Until Next Time…

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Categories: Our Personal Blog, Samantha Steiner, Samantha's Personal Blog

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 replies

  1. Hello, AUTHORESS!

    Your psychiatrist shouldn’t make you feel bad about your decision to stop the lamictal, sunpie! (That’s what my girls have started calling me lately, ha ha!) They should have an emergency pager number for situations like that. They could be liable for a lawsuit since you weren’t able to reach them about a potentially deadly rash! So if they give you a hard time, I’d be happy to call as your “lawyer,” woo hoo! Just kidding.

    Lucy is actually my lawyer and she just offered to call them if you want her to it. They might not understand her barking, though so I can act as her translator.

    I digress. You must nip this hypomania in the bud. You’ve been going-going-going!!! I get it!
    I’m proud of you for not taking that nap. I realllllyyyy hope you get some sleep tonight. And that cold/cough/headache from hell needs to go! Maybe when you see your psychiatrist he/she could help with that too since they can prescribe anything.

    Forgive me for throwing a lot at you – I just want you to feel better!

    As for your book, I’ll buy it and so will a lot of other people. Let’s get the International Bipolar Foundation to feature it in one of their monthly newsletters. But seriously, try hard not to worry too much about that stuff now. It will all work out!

    I’m off to deal with dirty dishes now that the Advils kicked in. Sending you lots of love and please keep me posted this week about everthing. I finished the Cornell University T. Colin Campbell Center for Nutrition Studies e-course early.

    I had until this Tuesday to finish it, yes, me, the Cupcake Queen of Nutrition! So I’ll be around a lot this week. I still have another email for you that I started a few days ago and saved it – I want to finish that.

    Lots of love, hang in there….and sweet dreams!
    DY
    ❤️

    p.s. You don’t need to write a long reply or any reply to this ridiculously long comment – rest, my dear friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I really hope they don’t make me feel bad for stopping it. I had to abruptly stop lithium before this too because my legs swelled so bad that they were double their size and walking was painful. I agree, they really should have a way to contact someone in case this like this, or worse.

      A big congratulations for finishing the nutrition course! Yay! I knew you could do it! I truly and sincerely thank you showing my posts some love on twitter, Speaking of Twitter, I have to learn to utilize it better and get with the times lol. I am more of an FB Addict! Lol.

      I am getting ready to email you back! If you don’t hear from me by the time you go to sleep have a great night and sleep well! Xoxo

      😍Samantha

      Liked by 1 person

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