Alone In A Crowded World
Have you ever felt like you are not even a part of this world? Like you are on the outside looking in? Have you ever felt so alone even when being surrounded by others? This is something I had lived with much of my life.
Even when I was surrounded by my close friends, I would still feel very alone and uncomfortable. I spent the majority of my life feeling like there was really no place for me in this world like I didn’t even belong here. I felt like I was different, I wasn’t normal.
I used to have a strong fascination with death and would VERY often imagine different ways of ending it, as a matter of fact, there was a time when the only time I really felt happy and content was when I was thinking of dying. How I ever made it through my teen years is a true mystery.
Feeling like you are truly alone and that there is nobody who could ever understand what you are feeling is horrible, but the truth is that there are people all over the world going through the exact same thing that we are.
Depression does not care about your age, color, sex, or social status and often those who are going through it are masters of disguise. I myself had a collection of mental masks I would wear for every occasion.
I had severe social anxiety and depression. I remember many times when I was hanging out with a bunch of friends and I couldn’t even speak. My social anxiety had also given birth to something called,(Paruresis) which is the absolute inability to urinate in public places and I suffered with this all my life. As I had gotten older I couldn’t even keep a job because of it and now at 51 years of age, it still keeps me from doing the things I would like to do in life. I cannot go too far from home because if I have to go to the bathroom I need to be able to get home quickly.
For anyone who is going through any of these things I have mentioned, believe me, if you can stay in contact with others who are going through the same issues as yourself it is truly a blessing because there really is a world full of people who understand. I myself have great compassion for anyone suffering through any type of mental illness that leaves you feeling hopeless and alone.
I don’t check my email every day but if you are struggling and need to write to someone my email is firstname.lastname@example.org and I will respond back once I get the message.
I would also like to mention that I put my trust in GOD because all the years of trying to handle things by myself had always left me in too much emotional pain and I was using anything I could to deal with life which included alcohol, drugs, sniffing gasoline, sniffing glue, and anything I could get a hold of but I need to mention that I have been sober now for 20 years.
I cannot handle life on my own strength because I am mentally weak, and so I put all of my trust in GOD to be my source of strength. Like I said, I know the pain and the loneliness, I know what it is like to not even want to get out of bed every day, and to want to just live under a rock somewhere. Please do not go it alone fined others like you, the internet makes it so easy, I didn’t have that luxury growing up. Take advantage of it.