Late Night Thoughts: October 7th @ 2:30am
I woke up around 1am and just have not been able to fall back to sleep since. Then again, I also did not take my night time medications until sometime after 1:30 a.m. So, it has only been about an hour. I cannot lie, at first I was not crazy about the new WordPress editor… but now I am absolutely loving it. It probably also helps that I am no longer in a bipolar agitation mode.
I did end up canceling my game night plans thanks to my mental, emotional, and physical state earlier. I felt so bad, but I was just not in the mood at the time. After my last post (Click Here to see that post) I ended up eating dinner and then passing out until about 6:30 p.m. Then, I spoke to my best friend, @jazminegonzalez87, and I went over to her house for the first time in over a year.
I know it sounds weird that I haven’t been to her house in so long, but there were a lot of circumstances surrounding that. I can’t lie, I was a little anxious but it wasn’t horrible. I ended up having a good time. We just hung out and watched a documentary. Plus, I got to have some of her amazing chicken dip. She makes the best chicken dip that I have ever had in my life! It is absolutely to die for!
When I got home, it was about 10 pm, I ended up falling asleep again until, well, an hour and a half before I started this post. I guess I really needed the sleep since I napped twice today. I think I napped more the past two days than I have in the past two months.
I should really be getting some sleep because tomorrow is the National Suicide Prevention Foundation’s walk against suicide in my area and I have been dying to do this for years. I had it planned for a few weeks now that I was going to do this walk with Mike. But after how I felt today, and the fact that I am awake again, I don’t know if I am going to make it. It is from 10 am – 3 pm. I am going to try to get up on time, but now it also depends on if my boyfriend gets up in time. I was also supposed to be doing this walk with my best friend, but she forgot that she made plans to take her kids to Dorney Park tomorrow.
I should really try to go because this is an important cause to me. I think a lot of people understand how it feels to be so low that you just don’t want to be among the living anymore. If you are a regular follower of this blog, you know that I too have been so down that road and have tried to take my own life. I was lucky enough to have found something to hold on to – regardless of how insignificant my reasons may have been to someone else, they were still my reasons. Other times I have been lucky enough to have someone stop me from turning a temporary problem into a long-term solution.
One of the lovely ladies from the My Bipolar Mind Facebook group even said that next year she wants to fly to my area to go on this walk with me. Next year, I want to get a big group of people together. Next year, I will also plan on this earlier instead of waiting until only a few weeks before the walk. Now that I know it’s usually in October, I have time to prepare. But that’s all next year. This year is just not working out like I had planned.
It’s a conflicting feeling about going tomorrow. I wish I could just take my negative moods and temporarily put them on a shelf and deal with them after I do whatever it is that I want to do. Don’t we all wish we could do that, though?
Regardless of whether or not I make it to this walk tomorrow, I have to get my ass in gear and start working on my next article. After I completed my last one Thursday, I took Friday and today (yesterday?) off. I still have two articles to work on that are now late. I had let my BG editor know that I started a new medication and that I was going to postpone my articles until I adjusted to it. So she was at least already aware of the fact that they were going to be late, and she was okay with that. Thank God!
Once again, I am surprised that I am still awake after taking some many different things that could probably knock an elephant out. Okay, so, maybe I am exaggerating, but you get the gist. I may try adding a little CBD oil to tonight’s medication regimen. It worked well to help me calm down earlier, so perhaps it could help me wind down for sleep as well tonight.
I hope you guys don’t mind that I added some color to this post. I was so excited when I realized I could do all this with the new WordPress editor. I am by no means trying to promote it. Lol. I am just like many other people out there who are playing with the new features. I may even like this better than the old editor. I can’t wait until it is universal. I just wonder how this new setup would work on the apps.
Well, it is now 3:30 a.m. I suppose I should try lying down in bed again… or something.
Good Night Loves! Until Next Time…
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.