Counting Sheep Until I Sleep…
Okay, so, I am not literally counting sheep until I fall asleep, but you get the gist. It’s another insomnia fueled night, but I have pretty many posts with the word “insomnia” in the title. So, just for today, I tried to get a little creative. It probably also does not help that I finally remembered to take my night time meds. I’ve had a long but amazing day. I figured I would blog a bit until my meds kick in. I even took some CBD oil to see if that’ll help me transition into sleep a bit better.
My friend, Danelle, took me to my therapy appointment today and afterward we went out to Chipotle for lunch. Then she took me to get my nails done. That was actually my first time eating there and I actually loved it. (I will definitely be going back sometime in the future.) I had such a great time hanging out with her this afternoon. She’s an amazing, inspirational woman who is always smiling.
Shortly after I got home, my friend Amy came over and then we hung out until my other friend Alicia arrived. We all had some girl time and just talked for hours. Before we even realized it, it was after 11 pm. Amy was the last one to leave close to midnight. I was even able to find some time to spend with my boyfriend.
However, I got so caught up in hanging out with the girls that I completely forgot to call my sponsor for our daily chat. I remembered shortly after Amy left and just decided to shoot Megan a text message and apologize. Although, that is definitely not the first time I have neglected to call her.
I think this is the most social interaction I have had in a long time. It was such a great day, but I am honestly shocked that I am still pretty much wide awake and it’s almost 2 am. After this post, I look forward to reading some more of the book that I am going to be reviewing. I’m hooked on it! I try to read a little bit every night before I go to bed since that seems to be the only time I can give reading my undivided attention.
On top of doing all that today, I was also quite productive and even finished an article that I have been procrastinating on. It felt so good to finally get it finished, but now it’s on to the next.
Hopefully, sometime soon, I will be able to write a new article to post on here that is beneficial and not just a rant or personal blog post. I have a couple of things in mind and I am excited to get started so that I can try to write something that has nothing to do with parenting or pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, I love writing for BG and all but I also like to write about other topics too. I kind of miss writing relationship and zodiac articles like I did when I wrote for The Talko. If I could, I would take like a full two-week break from BG articles – where I know I would not have to worry about anything – and just write all the blog posts that I have been putting off.
I use Meistertask and I have a section for MBM (My Bipolar Mind) that has about 40 different topic ideas that I keep adding to but never seem to be able to actually find the time to write. Some of the topics I think would be very beneficial to some people, but like I said… finding the time to write them is the issue right now. It’s not like my days are always jam-packed, but every time I try to create something for here I feel terrible for not doing what I got to do for BG. But then when I am writing something for them, I feel like I should be adding to here as well. What’s that called? A catch-22 or something? My thought process makes no sense.
I need to learn how to manage my time better. I am HORRIBLE with time management as I have found a lot of people with bipolar disorder are. When I was talking to my therapist today, she mentioned a partial hospitalization program because she feels that with my last self-harm episode being a little over a week ago, and my lack of time management skills, that I would benefit attending one again.
It would be the same program that I always go to. Even though that program is familiar to me, I still dread going. I explained to my therapist that I am in a good place right now (for this week at least) but to check back next week. She agreed that we could wait until I hit another low. At least, I think she agreed to that.
I have still been doing well with the med change. I am still hoping that Lamictal might be the one medication that can finally save me! I will see how it goes on the 11th when I have to increase the dose. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I won’t develop the “Lamictal Rash.”
Thinking about it, maybe the partial hospitalization program wouldn’t be that bad of an idea. Although, I have been there maybe three times already. I would definitely hope that I get the same counselor because she was really nice… for the most part. I just don’t feel like getting up at 6:30 every morning in order to have their ride service pick me up. I think it starts at like 9 am, but the ride thing always shows up before 8 am. I think the earliest they ever picked me up was at like 7 am! Then, I’d have to do all these different group therapies and patient education sessions until the day ends around 3 pm. It is a Monday – Friday program.
It would definitely give my days some structure, that’s for sure! The last time I was there, I was stilling drinking. I don’t know. It’s a toss-up. I guess I’ll just see how things go for me. If I feel like I am not doing well, then I will go.
I guess it is about time that I should try to start reading and hope that my brain will slow down enough to try to get some sleep. Otherwise, this may not be my only post of the night!
Good Night Guys! Until Next Time…
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.