The Sun Will Shine After The Rain
I want to start by apologizing for my absence from this blog. If you read my last few posts, I was stuck in a depressive episode. But like with everything else, the sun will shine after the rain. I still have gloomy moments but, for the most part, I have been feeling a lot better these past few days. A lot of that has to do with an exciting email that I received from an intern at a publishing company.
Apparently, they came across my blog and asked if I ever thought about turning my posts into a compilation book. I mean sure, the thought may have crossed my find to write a book, just not from my blog posts. They asked me to send them a query letter, which I did. Then, afterward, they asked me to send them 50 of my posts. So, I spent two days starting from my first post and only made it to November of 2017 by the time I got to 50.
I can’t lie, going through those past posts was challenging for me because it brought back some strong emotions from some of the things I have been through. It took me through my breakup with Mike and losing my family, plus some. I realized that I am a very depressing person for the most part lol. Then again, some of my good moments never get to make it on here.
I am just so excited about this possible opportunity. I hope they decide to take me on after they read what I have sent them. I didn’t know whether I should just do my personal posts (since they create a depressing storyline) or if I should add in some of the useful information that I have on this blog too. I chose to add just my personal experiences but I let them know that I have much more where those came from.
I was going to try to figure 50 out of all of them, but then If I would have done that some of the storylines would have been even more chopped up than it already was. I am so nervous that they aren’t going to like what I gave them. But just the thought of someone being interested in my posts enough to even have the slightest possibility of publication is exhilarating. Even if they don’t like, maybe I could look into self-publication. Or turning it into an ebook or something. I am not sure. I just have to play the waiting game at their point.
I am scared to hope too much because I don’t want to end up crushed, yet again, if they decide not to go through with it. I was supposed to send 50 of my best posts, but I am not quite sure that I did that since I wanted to just continue with what was happening in each entry, I didn’t really skip over much of anything. That decision could either turn out really good or really bad. But I just went with what felt right at the moment.
I still don’t know what is going to happen with my Medicaid. Tomorrow I have to drop off my appeal, which means I have to get started on my appeal paperwork. I procrastinated for far too long and now I have to try to get everything done and together before my appointment with my family doctor tomorrow. I still technically have insurance until the end of the month, and then who knows what will happen from here on out.
I am still also having an issue getting my Vraylar filled and I am almost out of it. My insurance sent me a letter saying that it was approved, but the pharmacy said they will only fill up to 5 days. That doesn’t leave me much time to figure out what to do. Despite everything, I am not catastrophizing everything at the moment which makes it a bit easier to think.
I am hoping that the last remnants of this depressive episode fades away so that it can either leave some room for baseline or a nice manic episode.
I have not been writing as much as I would like, but I am hoping that I can get my ass in gear to start producing some more articles. Not that they are being published in a timely manner or anything. I think that is why I have been slacking is because no matter what, I only end up with 2-4 published articles in a 2-week time span. That’s not very motivating.
I know that I should only have to look to myself for motivation, but that doesn’t happen very often. I usually need some kind of incentive in order to get myself moving. Otherwise, I end up procrastinating hardcore.
One last thing, today I am one year sober. I have not had one drink in 365 days. That is simply astonishing to me. I am going to try to get my butt to a meeting tonight to get my one year chip. I’d be lying if I said the past year has been easy because it really hasn’t. Part of me wants one last drink, but the other part of me says that I had my last drink when I relapsed last August and, well, that didn’t turn out too well. I may do another post later on today.
Anyway, I suppose I should try to get some work done.
Until Next Time,
Samantha is the author of "My Bipolar Mind: You're not alone," she is also a freelance writer, blogger, and mental health advocate who runs and manages her own mental health blog MyBipolarMind.com.